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Good morning lovelies,
I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday and are still enjoying lots of tasty chocolate. Both of my eggs, the delicious Thorntons nut & praline Easter egg and the Cadbury Buttons egg that my dearly beloved bought to through me off of the scent, are in the fridge. As is standard with me, chocolate absolutely has to be kept in the fridge until desired. Cool, quality chocolate and a glass of rosé wine is just weekend perfection in my eyes!
On Saturday evening, I sat down with my husband to watch Britain’s Got Talent. There were several great acts, dance performances, a choir and Dachshunds from Russia. It was all good (and the Dachshunds were very cute), but there was nothing spectacular, nothing that hadn’t been done before.
When a sister and her disabled brother appeared on stage, I wondered what they were going to do for us. Maybe he was going to tell some really funny jokes or perform some magic tricks to show us not to underestimate disabled people? There wasn’t much of a clue. Both of them wore colourful t-shirts emblazened with “This Is Me” and had glittery rainbow face paint on, but again, nothing that would tell us what they were about to do.
Sing Along With Us was set up by 18-year-old Jade. When her 4-year-old brother Christian (who has a visual impairment and cerebral palsy according to their Facebook page) struggled to communicate, Jade explained that she was sure Christian could find a way to communicate and refused to give up on him. Desperate to open up his world. she taught him to sign instead. As Jade and Christian were given the go ahead to start singing, teams of other choir members flooded onto the stage.
Sing Along With Us sang This Is Me from The Greatest Showman, a song which, I think, fitted them perfectly and fits what it is like to live with disabilities, on the whole. So moved by the performance, David Walliam rose from his seat to press the gold guzzer, sending the choir straight through to the semi-finals.
I myself was born with arrested mild hydrocephalus, mild spina bifida, mild lordosis and mild cerebral ataxia. I also have a mild hearing impairment in my right ear, Reflex Sypathetic Dystrophy in my right wrist, knee and foot, Generalised Anxiety and depression. I don’t talk about my disabilities that often because I refused to let them define me. They are a part of me, not all of me. They are, to quote the song (and the choir’s intentions), my “broken parts”.
Throughout school, I was bullied for being slow and not being able to do gymnastics. I was picked on for the fact that the slightest push and I’d wobble over (because of my ataxia), I was picked on for the fact that, because of my anxiety, I avoided confrontation. Taking toys from me was easy, just walk right up and take them – I wouldn’t do anything about it.
Secondary school was no different. I was still the victim of sniggers, but I had a support worker with me so most students avoided anything physical. Nobody picked on me until one fateful art lesson when a class mate drew my hearing aid in as a big blob sticking out of my ear and our teacher put our portraits up on the wall. Suddenly, EVERYBODY noticed it!
I moved to a hospital education unit in 2003 because of my chronic pain, and the bullying only got worse. There, I was tripped up, spat on, called out as being a teacher’s pet and more. A lot of the students there had ADHD and behavioural issues and simply didn’t want to work. When the beatings with wooden rulers started, I’d had enough.
As he swung at me with a metre long wooden rule, I grabbed it and pulled it to my side, removing it from his hands and sending him crashing to the floor. As he tried to get up, I put the wooden rule on his shoulder. He froze and looked up,
“If this was a sword, I could take your fucking block off. Now get up before Miss sees” I growled. I could feel my heart thumping in my throat, but that was the beginning of me.
Unbeknown to my class mates, I’d been so fed up with the bullying that I’d been training in aikido and aikibudo, or aikido with weapons. It’s a self defence discipline and one of the techniques that the police and military use. Not nearly as brutal as Krav Maga for sure, but still effective in its uses. Unfortunately, the training centre has now closed down.
When I turned eighteen, I attended the jobcentre to see what wonderful employment opportunities were available for me. Although disability rights were better in 2006, they still aren’t what they are today.
“You’d be better off claiming disability benefits, to be honest”. I was outraged, I didn’t study hard at school and get good grades for me just to sit at home and sit on my butt. I had to do something, I had to be something. My disabled body was a part of me, but I couldn’t let it define me, not now.
Over the years, I tried every disabled persons employment agency that I could find. One did find me an eight month career, and one sat opposite from me pulling silly faces to try and make me smile. One also defined me as an awkward candidate because I was disabled, not wheelchair bound and smart. Some of the job opportunities for disabled people astonished me and were an insult to the academic prowess of many disabled people. Shoe polishers and shelf stackers? Who do they think we are?
At the time, I stormed out of there and was resolute in not becoming a shoe polisher or a shelf stacker. I was thoughtful and intelligent, I had a brain and I wanted to use it. As a last ditch effort, I tried an equal opportunities agency. When I walked in, I saw three faces that I’d already met – this wasn’t off to a good start.
The agency talked to me about the possibility of going self-employed and my ears pricked up. Even if it wasn’t a hugely successful multinational company, it was still mine and it was still proof of the fact that I could. I like people who talk business and I like people who acknowledge my brain. Even if I’ve never made it to university, I’m still far from thick, and I’ve done a tiny stint in negotiating business. I was appointed the opportunity to represent the training centre, based purely on how I conduct myself.
Well, one fateful wintery day I slipped on an icy step and sprained my ankle on the way to a meeting. Battered, bruised and needing to go home to pat dry my now very tender, cold and soggy bottom, I received a call to tell me that they would be removing me from their books. My crime? I’d cancelled an appointment with less than an hour’s notice. Apparently, personal injury wasn’t an acceptable excuse!
Screw them all, I decided, I’d just become a housewife after all. I was hurt and angry, but what an you do? That was fine, but a year later and I was bored. Cleaning was fine, but I wasn’t engaging my brain. Housewifery too, it seemed, was not for me.
So then, I started blogging. I started to use my my creativity and my good grades to help other people. I decided to use my love for psychology and my experiences in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to support others, whether or not they had a disability, and that’s where I am today.
Disabled people are a lot more than disabled people, they have gifts and talents beyond what many can see. We are more than the most commonly used adjectives aimed to make us feel good about ourselves. We are more than just “kind” or “good at listening to people”. We have skills, we have attributes that few people expect us to have. One of my favourite comedians, as an example, is none other than Francesca Martinez. Not only is Francesca able to entertain the masses, but she is a powerful speaker and advocates so passionately for the recognition of disabled people. How amazing is that?
I’ve already favovurited Sing Along With Us as my favourite act so far to win Britain’s Got Talent 2020. You know, I get it, of course anyone will have some favouritism for a group of young disabled people, but they were also more than that. They were the uplifting spirit, the feel good factor that this nation needs right now. They made the nation cry, but only in the good way. They reminded us that, regardless of how battered and broken our bodies are, there is a capable person inside each and every one of us.
Haven’t seen the performance yet? Check it out below:
Until next time.
Stay safe & have fun,