Chapter two in my co-authored series will fellow BDSM blogger, Penny Berry.
Disclaimer: This post mentions topics involving consensual sexual violence. Not suitable for individuals under eighteen years of age. Reader discretion is advised.
Good afternoon lovelies,
I’m back today with chapter two of this exciting collaborated series with the lovely Penny Berry. Today, we are going to be sharing with you some of the rules and protocols that we are expected to follow, allowing with looking at the rules that are an absolute essential, and some of the expectations that we’re expected to adhere to, but not necessarily reminded of on a regular basis. Are you ready jump in? Let’s begin!
For Wolfie & me, one of the most fundamental things is fun. My husband does not want me to be afraid of him and he does not want to control me in everyday living, but for him, respect and conduct is key. One of the most basic things he expects in me when addressing him (and anyone else!) is respect. Having a sense of humour is fine, laughing with someone is fine, but laughing at someone (particularly at something about someone) is absolutely not. Humour should be light-hearted and fun, not serve to bring people down. Pranks are fine, but they too should also be light-hearted and fun. Anything that could cause serious harm, serious irritation or damage to property is not fine or funny for us. Stealing his wallet and demanding a ransom of kisses for a safe return is all too common place for us, but filling his wallet with glitter (I’ve seen this advised for brats) or shopping on his debit card would be much, much too far.
During the day, I engage with a variety of people, many of which have no clue or understanding as to what goes on within our relationship. For that reason, it is vitally important that I can represent myself and my own decision-making, as well as make the best and right decisions for our relationship. One of my obligations is to decide and act for the betterment of both, not just myself.
In our home, I am very much in charge and in control while Wolfie is at the office. I run my blog, run the home and look after our four-year-old Jack Russell. Most days are busy and require me to handle my time quickly and efficiently. Normally, when something needs to be sorted, I do not wait for Wolfie to come home so that I can tell him about them and wait for his input. Instead, he prefers that I act on my initiative to get things done so that we can both relax together in the evening. I have a good grasp on DIY and finding contacts for repairs and services so in a majority of situations, I will have already seen to it by the time Wolfie gets home. If I struggle, I can mention it to Wolfie and he normally knows someone who can help (it helps to have a husband who works in buildings maintenance!). For us, I am in charge of the home for so long as I understand that I run it as part of my submission to him, it is fine. While I may run the home in terms of the chores and managing appointments, I am not the head of it. Any big decisions (especially financial ones!) still need to be run past him. If there is a particular task that Wolfie needs me to complete then he will tell me, but most of the time I use my own common sense. The principle key behind all of my actions is one simple goal: To make Wolfie’s life easier, to make my Wolfie happy and to make him proud in all that I do, both as his wife and his submissive. Although Wolfie will help with the chores, he expects me to focus on making our home comfortable and welcoming, for example, by handling the room décor.
When it comes to rules in our relationship. we have explored many rules and have eliminated a vast majority from our dynamic. At one time, we had a list of 23 rules and could only remember six. The eight that eventually remained and stayed were, as far as we could agree, simple common sense: Don’t self harm, don’t take drugs, eat regularly and sensibly (I may have a history of anorexia..), drink enough water, stay active, get a minimum of 7 hours sleep per night and don’t keep secrets (unless it;s a birthday surprise!). The other two that were later added and stayed were no saying ‘cunt’ or ‘twat’ without permission, and no touching Sir’s toys without permission – perhaps the hardest rule of all!
In many dynamics, one of the most common rules is not to touch oneself or masturbate without permission. For me as a woman with a high sex drive, I was adamant that that rule had to go. I insisted that my body is my right and I had the right to give it pleasure and love as and when I wanted or needed to. Not only that, but sexual frustration means irritation and distraction, and distraction means getting even less done which means even more frustration for a Type A woman. The right to take care of my sexual needs was paramount to my productivity, and I was unwilling to compromise and jeopardise my ability to get things done when I knew exactly how taking an hour out of my day (for some self-love and a nap) would make me more productive and happy. In my eyes, abolishing the rule and allowing me to love myself also meant better things for him, however, that flexibility has only been afforded to me on work days!
In some 24/7 BDSM dynamnics. a collar or a ring becomes an important everyday accessory and yet for us, that simply isn’t so. My husband knows that I don’t wear my rings everyday, he knows that they catch when I am cleaning our home and God only knows I don’t want to toss my sapphire engagement ring into the grass while I’m out walking the dog. For us, my submission to him is heartfelt, I talk to him about my thoughts and feelings and look to him for guidance, support and leadership. I am free to contribute my own opinion and we discuss things in depth, but as is in most 24/7 dynamics, Wolfie’s decision is always final.
In our sessions, there are a few more rules that I have to follow. I always pour my Sir some whiskey ‘on the rocks’ (on ice), I set the room up and wait for him in his favourite black lace babydoll in the ‘Nadu’ Gorean slave postion. I keep my head up but my gaze down. I do not look up to him unless and until he tells me to. In a scene, I can call him ‘Sir’ only.
When it comes to engaging with other Dominants, I am absolutely free to do so of my own accord. Wolfie worries more for them than me as he knows that I am extremely faithful and on’t hesitate to chew apart anyone who oversteps the boundaries. I hold my relationship in the highest regard and so in my eyes, anyone who disrespects my relationship is disrespecting my choice of partners and therefore disrespecting me. If anyone (directly or indirectly) disrespects me, I have vener been the type of person to hesitate to set the record straight. I may not be the fisticuffs type, but I’ve been known to be excruciatingly cutting with my words!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this next chapter as an insightful view of our dynamic and I hope that it helps you in considering how you can create or develop your BDSM relationship. Next time, we’ll be discussing attire!
Stay tuned, folks!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun,