Good afternoon lovelies,
Maybe you’ve noticed that Big, Bold & Bright is back. Maybe you’re wondering, what happened? Did Wolfie and I argue? Did something happen that made me want to revert to my original domain? The answer is no, nothing has happened of the sort.
Not long after changing my blog name to Wolfie’s Kitten. I started to feel a pulling in my stomach. Something was wrong, and I knew it, something hated the choice that I had made. I’d gone from being big, bold and bright to diminishing myself, all, crucially, so that I could write about BDSM. It turns out my gut calling was so strong that even Wolfie seconded it. Big, Bold & Bright was meant to be, he actually prefers it!
But my impulsive behaviour goes far beyond my domain name. In fact, I’m notorious for making fairly impulsive purchases, changing my my and selling them or giving them away a few weeks later.
A Modern Look
When I moved into my home in 2016, I acquired a single bedroom flat in a coverted brick build house. The walls were painted magnolia, on top of a layer of woodchip, The floor was covered in a brown short-pile carpet, and I knew this home was going to need a delicate touch. Sleek black gloss furniture and green plants would modernise it, I decided, so that was what we went for.
But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
What few people tell you about black gloss furniture is that it is impossible to keep it clean. By the time you blink, that airborne dust you hadn’t noticed has now settled all over those surfaces, and your friends and family are now using it as a handy surface to write cheeky messages in. You decry the behaviour and silently promise yourself that you will do better at managing the cleaning, but a sudden busy spell catches you off-guard, you forget to wipe, and the dusty doodles start all over again.
Barely four months after acquiring it all, I was giving my black furniture away on Freegle. It was drab and depressing, and some other silly sausage could have all the pleasure of the limitless dusting. With the black gone and new oak furniture in its place, instantly my mother was concerned.
“You only just bought the other stuff!” she insisted, admiring my new oak furniture. It brightened the room up significantly, and the secret layer of dust on the shelves wasn’t nearly as noticeable.
These buy-and-release exchanges became something that I was well known for, to the point that I dreaded revealing the next one to my mother, and to the point that she still doesn’t even know that I got rid of my other robovac. Each time I got rid of something, I prepared for what was coming next;
“You’re always doing that, you’re terrible!” she’d scorn. I grimaced. ‘Always’ is a strong word, a generalisation. Was I really that bad?
Frustrated by my tendency to repeatedly change my mind, I decided to do a bit of research. I expected the outcome to be mostly negative, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
According to Medium, some of the most successful people alive change their minds regularly. They chop and change from what they were once so sure was a good decision, just like I do. Sure, I’m not like Jeff Bezos and I’m not much like Steve Jobs either, but if some of the biggest names do what I do, then I wasn’t about to change. It turns out, changing my mind often just means I’m smart!
To me, I don’t think a lack of decisiveness is a sign of weakness. Actually, I think it’s a sign of leadership and problem-solving. Times change, yes? So why stick to the old? Why stay stagnant? When we stay stuck in the moment, we can become depressed. If it’s no longer working for any reason, get rid of it, change it, do whatever sets you free again.
Would you stay in a relationship that was no longer working, that was beyond repair, or would you leave?
Would you keep a job that was no longer working for you, that you were underpaid and underappreciated in, or would you look for a different vacancy?
You wouldn’t, it’s seldom worth it. So why, then, do your belongings deserve to stay?
With my no-longer-wanteds, I knock a small bit off of the cost and resell them. As the saying goes: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. The bit you lose you can, usually, recover quite quickly. No long term damage done, and you’re no longer keeping the things you don’t want or need, purely for the sake of not letting go of your money. Yes you still lose some money in the long run, but do you know what you get in exchange for a few bucks? Experience.
I now know that Wolfie’s Kitten limits the genre of my blog from my other audiences.
I now know that black furniture is a total dust magnet and should be avoided at all costs.
I now know enough not to make the same mistakes mistakes again.
Yes, I paid a bit for the unfortunate furniture experience, but at least I learnt something from it, it wasn’t a complete loss.
In life, I firmly believe that we don’t make good decisions and bad decisions, we make what seemed like a good decision at that time. People make choices, sometimes people make good choices and sometimes we realise those good choices were actually really bad choices, and when we make bad choices, we then need to do what we can to fix them. That, my friends, is called accountability. It happens to us all and I am certainly not immune. I’ve had to go without to recover from some overspending. That’s life, it happens. Remember, it’s all just part of the experience.
Think First, Decide Later
Right now, I am trying to be more careful with my money. Instead of spending on a whim, I am only buying the things I know that I need. Oh sure, so I bought a dining table a few weeks ago, but we were eating in front of the TV nearly every night and something had to give. I also bought a box of dog treats because Hugo’s training has gotten a little rusty and a big toe splint because five weeks on and I’ve still got some residual pain, but I call those necessary spends. They aren’t things I want, those are the things that I need to achieve my objectives, unless a reem of printer paper can now considered as an artistic masterpiece, in which case you do you, my friend.
I’m trying to save so that I never get caught short, but I refuse to save all of my money based purely on worst-case scenario budgeting. I’m planning what I want more diligently, and only buying the things that I want when I feel that I can realistically afford to buy them, if I still feel I want them at all (see the cushions above!). At the same time, I also keep in mind the monumental differences between my Mum and me. Dad and Mum got married, got a mortgage and had a baby (hello, hi!). Sadly, those choices ruined them financially and made them far warier of spending money. I didn’t, I’ve been on the books since 2011 and I’m still renting. It’s dearer in the long run, yes, but it at least means that we can afford the cost of comfortable living.
I don’t apologise for being the way I am, and not apologising has nothing to do with believing that I am right (because I just might not be). I don’t apologise because I’m making choices based on what is right for me, for us, in the moment, and as we see it. As much as I love her and I am thankful for all of the guidance that Mum has given me, I’m not her and she is not me. I can’t be making choices based purely on her thoughts and feelings, I also need to listen to my own.
Maybe I will make bad decisions. Maybe one day I will be living out of a cardboard box and begging for loose change on the street. Life is full of maybes and uncertainties, and unfortunately, that’s just one of them. Maybe someday I will be a failure and a disappointment to my Mum, and maybe one day I will look at her and tell her that I was wrong and I’m incredibly sorry that I didn’t listen. Or maybe, just maybe, I can act like a damn adult, maybe I can be more responsible and maybe, just maybe, I can finally cut down on all of my frivolous spending.
At least, that is, until I change my mind again.