Disclaimer: This post mentions topics involving consensual sexual violence. Not suitable for individuals under eighteen years of age. Reader discretion is advised.
“Votes are here, love,” I said, handing Wolfie his postal vote. We vote by post for convenience reasons. Him because he typically uses public transport to get to and from work which takes up more of that polling booth opening time, and me because those dreaded places seriously exacerbate my lifelong Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
At home, I am free to read the manifestos, take the ISideWith test and make my selection without anyone outside the polling station making one last plea to encourage me to support their party. In that moment, I’m not even thinking about my submission. At that moment, I am a modern woman with the freedom and right to vote and a very important decision to make: One that could help impact the future of my country.
For me, the decision is typically more local than it is national. I placed a cross next to my local Labour MP, tucked the form into the return envelope and sealed it. Even if I never liked Jeremy Corbyn, Labour had always been good to me, locally.
“Who’d you vote for?” Mr Wolfie asked me as I tapped the sealed envelopes into a pile.
“Brexit Party, you?” I said, trying my best to seem genuine.
“Ah, UKIP” he replied, playing me at my own game.
Of course, neither of us would support the Brexit Party or UKIP and are even vehemently against the idea. We’ve both long been supporters of the Labour party, even if we do question some of their policies.
My decision to vote for the Labour party is entirely my own choice and we have a golden rule that we do not discuss politics until we’ve both cast our vote. In doing so, it prevents any influence over our decision and maintains my freedom to vote as a modern-day feminist, without fear or judgement.
In this era, a lot of people wrinkle their nose at the word “feminist”, but I keep to what the ideals of what a true feminist woman should be. Women are not better than men, they are equals, and I have even taken steps to protect men in the past, as a modern-day woman.
The year was 2016, my neighbour had just been assaulted by his ex-girlfriend and now stood dishevelled and sore on my doorstep. He was timid and anxious, a far cry from the normally confident young man that I was used to seeing.
When we attended the court for her hearing, I wore a suit with trousers, heeled boots and my hair in a bun. It was my go-to “I mean serious business” look, and anyone around me knew that I meant business, too. It was in the way I conducted myself and shook hands with the other witnesses and staff; polite, but certainly assertive.
So Why Would A Modern Feminist Woman Want To Become Submissive?
The Control Paradox
The first thing you need to understand is that for myself and thousands of women like me, surrendering control is really subjective and incomplete. It only happens when we allow it to, and it only happens with who we want it to happen with. We are not owned or controlled in reality and are completely free to leave if we want to and at any time. Although we consider ourselves as ‘owned’, this goes back to Gorean erotic literature and is in mindset only – nobody literally owns anyone!
Secondly, being a modern woman means we absolutely do have control, a lot of the time and in a lot of things. We are CEOs, line managers, doctors, judges, even right down to parents and grandparents. Being in control all the time means that one wants to switch off and surrender control eventually.
In BDSM, there is an interesting suggestion that we explore the “shadow self”, the unmentionable, forbidden parts of ourselves, a suf=ggestion discovered by none other than esteemed Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. For those of us in office jobs, truck drivers, pilots, first responders, civil servants and first-time mothers and fathers who feel controlled by someone else, the desire for a sense of control after hours is apparent. For powerful, assertive men and women who are in control for much of the time, we eventually want to switch off control and hand it to someone else.
I do not consider myself to be a housewife, I’m a domestic CEO. Housewives run the home according to their husband’s wishes, but my husband gets very little say unless it matters. I’ve never given him a reason to not trust my judgement and so he trusts me, but with that trust comes an awful lot of control and responsibility.
I would hate to be micro-managed in the day to day running of our home, I would hate to have every decision made for me and not to be able to use my own judgement or critical thinking. I’d probably get so fed up and bored by the end of the week that I would get up and leave!
Paradoxically though, I love some of the most deepest, darkest corners of BDSM. I love begging, I love bathroom control. I love eye contact restrictions and dehumanisation. I love bondage, sensory deprivation and humiliation. The more I lose temporary control in a safe environment and with the people I love, know and trust, the freer and happier I become. My submission to my husband is only when I choose it to be and how I choose it to be. Whether it’s asking for his input or initiating a scene, I choose to offer him control.
A Matter Of Mindset
Any Dominant worth his (or her!) salt will know that one of the first steps to owning a submissive feminist woman is to have the utmost respect for women. If you mistreat (or worse, abuse) women, we will close you down immediately. Start slow, start gently, and allow us to see that we can trust you.
Think of a submissive woman as being a bit like a porcupine. If you befriend it, it will trust you and allow you to get closer. If you threaten it, it won’t. If you respect a feminist submissive, they may allow you to get close enough to follow your lead. If you come at us with a “kneel, bitch” attitude, you’re going to experience our spines.
It’s important to understand that a feminist woman may be submissive at her core, but not all feminist women want or choose to be submissive and most certainly we have no desire to return to a life whereby our husbands have full and absolute control. Even for those who do desire to return to such a lifestyle, they did so because they chose to, entirely of their own accord.
I hope you have enjoyed these series as much as Penny and I have enjoyed writing them for you. How do you feel about submission and feminism? Why not share your thoughts in the comments?
Until next time!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun.