Disclaimer: This post mentions topics involving consensual sexual violence. Not suitable for individuals under eighteen years of age. Reader discretion is advised.
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules, and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
Technically my ass should be in bed right now but, for the sakes of not breaking another promise, I’m staying up late to get this post online. I know, the things I do for my readers 😉
For me, rules and rituals are actually probably one of the biggest things I crave as a submissive. Not so that I can break them, because to me, the rules you have you should want to follow. Rules make me feel safe, they make me feel cared for and protected. They also tell me how I can please, as a submissive.
A lot of the rules that most BDSM relationships have, we don’t. For example, I am allowed to talk to other men without asking and I am allowed to touch myself whenever I want to. We found that the more rules we had, the more rules we forgot about over time. For that reason, it was best to only have the ones that we would remember, the ones we regarded as most important – kind of our fundamental values.
When it comes to limits, perhaps the biggest two are not harming myself and not saying c*nt or t*at. Mr Wolfie hates a lady saying them, and it’s rubbed off on me now to the point that even I shudder if I hear them, too. There are other rules that I have to follow as well, like not hiding my feelings and not staying up past 2am (ahem), besides that though, I pretty much have free rein.
We do have an unwritten ritual in that I make teas and coffees every morning. It’s no elaborate ritual, but I do get funny looks if I forget to make his coffee. We also have rituals around play time when we do have a session, like lighting the tea lights and serving him some whiskey on the rocks before we play. In this regard, rituals are extremely beneficial for highlighting the beginning of a BDSM session.
Do I wish we had more rules and rituals? Perhaps, maybe. For whatever reason, I find peace and freedom in some loss of control. From fitness plans to tasks, being a blogger and a housewife can be stressful work. Just sometimes, it might be nice to have something to make it a little more interesting.