Why I Write About Sex & BDSM – Part 2

a couple playfully messing about on a bed suggests sex

Kinky people might like to hurt you, but we care about you too.

Read Part 1 here.

Let’s get this straight, my blog is an rray of ideas, opinions, thoughts, recipes, tips and more. I am not exclusively dedicated to mental health.

Readers, I’d like to think the reason you visit my blog is because something has come up that has interested you, am I right? I mean.. why else would you be clicking that cute little link?

Exactly. Thankyou.

But on that one fateful evening, it all kicked off.

It all began when I wanted to share my blog on my Facebook, my own Facebook, not my blog’s Facebook page. Why the hell shouldn’t I? Why the hell shouldn’t my family and friends have the chance to read the awesome stuff that I write on a regular basis? What if my insights can benefit them in some way?

But Wolfie didn’t want me to share because I write about kinky sex just occasionally and he feared the shame that would bring on him, and that really wounded me. When one of his colleagues asked what I did, he told them that I was a mental health blogger. Mental health, yes, but with a twist.

“Every 1000+ words that I write..” I began. I was beyond livid. Every thousand plus words that I write was all a waste of time because it couldn’t be read, it couldn’t be shared, I couldn’t be a little bit proud of what I do because of what I write about occasionally. No, I was beyond angry.

“It’s 2020, people fuck, nobody cares anymore. Besides, how many people out there have read or watched Fifty Shades of Grey?”. That was my argument, a little bit of kinky sex just isn’t taboo anymore. It was even quite popular, apparently!

“I’d rather that one of my friends felt safe enough to talk to me about stuff than ended up hurt or dead in a ditch because of a conversation we didn’t have” I uttered, the Grace Millane case is still too fresh in my mind. Even if circumstances may be different, there have most certainly been genuine accounts of manslaughter through miscalculation, and I wasn’t willing to risk it, not for one of my friends.

Words From A Friend

That was the truth, I care, and I care enough not to care about who approaches me. If you’re stuck and don’t know who to talk to about sex, mental health or any other shit going on, come find me! I’ll listen.

I care about a lot of things, I care about most things, but above all else, I care about my family, my friends, my readers. I care about people, full stop. I’m not just his, I want those who want to be proud of me to be able to be proud of me, warts and all. Even if I only make a difference for 10 people, that’s still ten more lives changed than would have been if I didn’t try.

I know that I may not be one of those fit, pretty blondes that most people want to take about sex and kink, but to be honest, I’m not here looking for hook-ups anyway. I’m not out to pull, I’m out to inform, support and make sure the people that I care about are well, safe and happy. I want to use my nearly 14 years of experience in a once-taboo community to help people have fun and play safely, however that may be.

When I expanded my blog, I did so with one thing in mind: I wanted to latch onto that idea that disabled people just can’t live as ‘normal’ people do and I wanted to crush that misconception into itty, bitty little pieces. I wanted to show the world that disabled people absolutely can bring something to the table. and that we absolutely can and do sometimes fuck like anybody else (don’t worry, you won’t find that video on PornHub). I wanted to show the world that I am more than my disabilities – I have something to offer, too!

“I can’t just write about mental health, I’d be just another boring mental health blogger” I whispered. Nothing against those who only write about mental health of course, it’s a very important topic. For me though, and perhaps thousands of other people who think and understand like I do, sex and psychology often go hand in hand, at least a little bit. Massage releases dopamine, but so does sex. Confidence and self-esteem can be about business prospects, but it can also be about relationships, which is ultimately about attracting a mate. Grounding and provoking the senses for anxiety relief can involve touching the skin which is, for the large part, what sensation play also is. Hugs and weighted blankets relieve anxiety, but it turns out so does bondage. Do you see where I’m going with all of this? It’s not that kink doesn’t work like more traditional methods do, it’s just that for some people it’s not their cup of tea and they don’t want to try it, and that’s totally okay. For me though and people like me, these methods work that little bit better, and we’re urging you just to try it.

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