Disclaimer: This post mentions topics involving consensual sexual violence. Not suitable for individuals under eighteen years of age. Reader discretion is advised.
Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
My immediate reaction to this question was to laugh, because even if I identify as a submissive, that whole “being available anytime he or she wants”? Yeah, no, that doesn’t happen. Honey, I am a very busy girl, and hell hath no fury if he tries to interrupt my day when I’m already trying to get stuff done. If he wants access to this temple, then he’ll kindly have to wait 😉
As a woman, I am also a sexual assault survivor. I know how it feels to have a male throw themselves upon you, and it terrifies all living hell into me to this day. I’m fine with someone getting all up in my face, I’m used to that and I can deal, but when they violate my person? It becomes oh so much harder.
When it comes to sex and and intimacy, I think communication works best. I hate being pawed at, it’s too much like the past. I’m self-defence trained and so if I’m pushed too far, I fear I might freak out and respond accidentally.
The caveat to all of this is that Matt and I do have a remarkable chemistry and if he’s in the mood (and situations allow!) then I sometimes will effectively allow myself to be “captured” by him, acting as though I’m far too busy while intentionally making myself available. It’s a sort of mating dance we have – my putting up a playful resistance while not actually resisting at all. Sometimes it has led to satisfying sex, and on other occasions it has even led us to trying something we might never have tried before. However, Matt is very good at reading me, and he knows my “nuh uh” or “nope” from my “no” in all situations. Failing that, there is always, always my safeword.
For me as a submissive, I can’t say that being sexually used has ever really held an appeal. Largely, I enjoy Dominance and submission, I enjoy the freedom that comes with losing control and the quietened mind that it brings me. I enjoy sadomasochism, I enjoy flogging, spanking and sensation play. I enjoy sex too, of course I do, it’s just that when it comes to sex, I like to be able to have a say. I adore that power play, that tension, that look that says “brat all you want now, you’ll be on your knees before bed.” Sexual submission would probably require a high degree of obedience and submission, and that kind of submission has just never really been a part of my nature!