Disclaimer: This post mentions topics involving consensual sexual activity, not suitable for individuals under eighteen years of age. Reader discretion is advised.
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
With Matt being my first and longstanding Dominant, I can only really call on my physical and romantic connection with him for experience. However, I also have someone that I sort of see as a “Dominant-by-proxy”, who I will be talking about a bit more today. It turns me into a growling, snarling beast to admit this because he knows that I struggle with his influence over me, but he also knows that I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In my life, I am physically committed to one. However, mentally and emotionally, I have a close involvement with one other. I think of that relationship as largely platonic, but quite often with a flirtatious element on top. Bill and I are “into” each other for want of a better word, but our partners aren’t agreed to the idea of us having a physical dynamic and so as such, nothing more has transpired.
Within our friendship, Bill knows that I look to him for advice and Bill knows that if he advises me on something then I’m probably going to listen. Bill also knows that, even if I give him every ounce of sass and attitude that I can possibly muster from time to time, it’s because ultimately, I don’t have a better answer.
And that’s also what draws Bill to me.
Bill likes fiery women. Bill’s partner, Red, is probably as (if not more!) fiery than I am. Mostly we get along, but there are definitely some subjects that Red and I stay away from – it’s best not to accidentally start World War 3!
The last time I saw Bill, we met in a restaurant in central Bristol. I had no idea what he was up to and so when he took to publicly humiliating me with Matt, a part of me didn’t know what to do. I’d always respected Bill as my friend, my good friend, my close friend, but something in me clicked. Something that found that situation… hot?
Bill often torments me, and he loves to torment me about things that I haven’t yet fully discussed on my blog. As a writer himself, Bill also encourages me and inspires me from time to time with my blog and for my part, I helped him come up with the name for his blog as well. Even if we have never worked together as such, we still work together in other ways.
Outside of kink, Bill and I also have a formidable friendship. Even if we torment one another often, we both understand what it’s like to live with anxiety and we both understand the fatigue and frustrations that come with living with a disability. Bill has haemodialysis several times a week and I am often one of the
poor fuckers people who chats to him and keeps him company during those hours. When I won my PIP appeal last year, it was Bill who helped me find the resources and information I needed to help me put together a compelling hearing, and win. Even without BDSM and even if we found one another through the now-retired BDSM website, Informed Consent, we still have a connection that runs on care, empathy and a shared interest in the great outdoors and our planet. We’ve even talked about trying out a spot of kite-fishing, though we still have yet to try it!
In and of my dynamics, Matt is my primary Dominant and Bill fully respects that. Even if Matt has what he calls the “Golden Rule” (whereby any other Dominant can punish me if he agrees that I’ve been too cheeky or sassy!), that’s not my greatest concern with Bill. For me, the problem is that these two perishers can and will team up against me if given half the opportunity, and so I’m always mindful not to push my luck too far. Because of that friendship, I respect Bill, albeit sometimes begrudgingly, as a sort of second-in-command. I am not his submissive and have never been claimed as such, however, because I know how well he and Matt get along, I accept that I am sort of his submissive-by-proxy. It’s unofficial, but it’s there!
With Matt, my submission is full, deep and primal. I have had 16 years of knowing Matt, 10 of which have seen us living together and trying new kinks and dynamics in that time. Matt has been here to physically guide me and care for me and make sure that I’m falling all of his rules – from not opening jar lids on my own, to keeping my journal up to date regularly and making sure that I have my bracelet on! Even if I’d trust Bill deeply, we don’t have that physical element to our connection and so for us, there are still a lot of unknowns.
When it comes to women, I cannot comment on my relationships with women as I have never submitted to a woman. Personally, I think it’s highly unlikely to happen, and that is mostly because around women, I prefer to take a leading role. Having been a Mommy Domme for a short while, I have a natural caring instinct and a desire to lead and protect women. Even if I am heteroflexible in nature, I could not see myself in a submissive position to other women. That’s not to say it couldn’t or wouldn’t happen though, because you can never say never for sure…