Important disclaimer: To the untrained eye, verbal humiliation can look an awful lot like verbal abuse. It is therefore vital that we understand that unlike verbal abuse, consent is given before the scene and a good Dominant will continually monitor their submissive partner for genuine signs of distress. Given how “deep” some partners can go with humiliation play, it is also crucial that safewords/signals be established beforehand. Always remember, one word can stop a BDSM scene, but a thousand words won’t stop abuse.
Ahh yes, she’s a bit of a dark horse, isn’t she? You thought she was all nice and sweet and tame and then all of a sudden, the darker stuff comes out. Well my little darlings, welcome to my world. Shall we begin?
What is verbal humiliation?
There are many different forms of humiliation, including physical humiliation and objectification, where a submissive might take the place of a piece of furniture such as a footstool or a table. Today, we’re going to take a look at my personal love: verbal humiliation. Just like there are different forms of humiliation, there are different forms of verbal humiliation, too. Some examples might include:
Using derogatory adjectives: Worthless, pathetic, weak etc.
Objectification: Slut, whore, bitch etc
Dehumanisation: It, that, subject etc.
Different people have different wants and desires from verbal humiliation, so it is always best to discuss with your partner what personally works for you.
Why might someone be into verbal humiliation?
Verbal humiliation allows us to feel weak and unassuming. It strips us of our value and worth in society and the pressures that go with. For some, verbal humiliation can also drive them to be better and to do better. Sometimes, people also need a bit of a bully to motivate them to try harder, and if all is agreed, some Dominants will gladly take on that role.
How did you discover you were into verbal humiliation?
The first thing you need to understand, is that I have always been a switch when it comes to verbal humiliation. I have received, and I have given it, so I can give you some insight from both sides of the coin, as it were.
As a humiliatix (a Dominatrix who enjoys humiliation play), there is a huge surge of power that goes with humiliating someone. There is a bit of a superiority complex because your submissive lays value on every word you say, and it can feel very sexy to have that kind of control over someone. To humiliate someone well in a BDSM scene, you need a basic understanding of psychology. You can’t just call someone a slut and hope that it will do the trick, you have to know the art of the mindfuck, you have to know how to take them to the point whereby they start to question whether or not you might actually might mean these things, even slightly. For some people who enjoy humiliation play, that can help to trigger an acceptance of failure and imperfection that maybe they hadn’t been able or willing to process before, and that experience can be very cathartic for them. Aftercare is extremely important for humiliation play, because you need to make sure you don’t leave your submissive at a point where they believe that they are genuinely worthless, and so they fall into a cycle of depression. Drop them down by all means, but then build them back up. ‘Play’ is the vital keyword here – none of this is for real!
For me, as a submissive, I love being dehumanised and objectified. As ‘Helen’, there are a lot of things that I have to remember, a lot of things that I’m responsible for, and that I’m not allowed to forget. I have to be in control as a housewife, as a letter-writer, and as a carer. I wear many masks, all of which require me to be authoritative and organised. As soon as I am objectified, all of that control just washes away, I am able to close off my mind and simply exist for a while.
I also watched shows like SAS: Who Dares Wins and I saw the way that Ant Middleton spoke to the recruits. I wanted someone who would give me a reality check like that, someone that would make me see that I’m only human, I’m not perfect, so to stop trying to be. At the same time though, I wanted someone like Ant who knew how to be soft and caring when my world really was falling apart. Verbal humiliation is all just an act at the end of the day, whereas abuse is not.
Share with us a hot memory featuring verbal humiliation.
As of late, Matt’s been really into the verbal humiliation game and it’s just been incredible. He loves to remind me how I belong to him, how I’m his property, how he can do anything he wants with me, and I’d let him. He loves how deep into subspace I go, and how quickly. It’s not one memory as such, it’s several.
Do you have a favourite toy for verbal humiliation?
Let’s be honest, I think the favourite toy here is probably me 😉
What advice would you give to someone into verbal humiliation?
It’s really important to agree some ‘rules of play’ before you begin, in case there are any subjects that may be genuinel;y upsetting. For example, Matt knows not to say anything about my looks. I’m really sensitive about my face because of my hydrocephalus and I was often bullied at school because of it. I also don’t like any mention of my weight, which my mother loves to remind me of often enough. It’s okay to have off-limits, but it’s important to discuss those first.
Second, don’t forget what I said earlier about the different types of verbal humiliation. You can even give your partner detailed examples, if you like, of what particularly works for you (and why, if you’re feeling brave enough!).
Third, you could try different environments for different effects, for example, leaving your partner blindfolded in the middle of the room while you circle them and say things about them or grabbing at them a little while you call them a slut, pig etc. Sometimes, the gasps can be quite delightful!
Finally, don’t forget your safeword – it’s an important verbal thing, too!
How do you make verbal humiliation work, as a disabled person?
Definitely, definitely, open, honest communication. Disabled people can have anxieties associated with their condition, so it’s really imperative that you know and understand what those are, and you know what not to say (or what to say, because some people like that, too).
Also, find a position that works for them for your verbal humiliation play. Some people might have a submissive kneel under normal conditions, but that might not be possible if your partner has physical limitations. If that is the case, discuss ideas together and find a position that works for you both.
That’s it from me for this post! Have you tried verbal humiliation before? Do you rate it or hate it? Why not give this post a like, share your thoughts in the comments or click here for more kinky posts!
Until next time!
Stay safe & have fun,
Disclaimer: Products mentioned in this post have been honestly and independently reviewed on behalf of Lovehoney. All of my reviews take into consideration the ease of use for a person with disabilties, who are the target audience of Kinky With A Twist. Please be aware that I may receive a small commission on any products you buy through my links. You will not be charged any extra for any purchases you make as a result of my reviews.
Helen is a passionate writer with more than 15 years of experience in the kink & BDSM community, who has appeared on Get Me Giddy and Gawker.com. In her free time she enjoys cooking, listening to music and spending time with her husband and dog.
View all posts by Helen S
6 thoughts on “What’s Your Kink?: Verbal Humiliation”
Wonderful! This is definitely one of my kinks. I’m not into it as much as a Domme, but as a sub, I love it. I kind of knew that based on reading erotica and such, but when my current Dom started to play with it, it was incredibly apparent how into it I am. My whole body reacts. It’s hot. And he’s so, so good at the aftercare part. We joke that sometimes he needs the aftercare more than I do, but I do need it too.
Oh yes, I completely agree. I think as a Domme I could only do it because of my understanding of psychology, my love for the human mind and caring for other people. However, I found that some people began to depend on me too much and it was hard to get into sub space for myself when I had messages from my submissive partners, wanting me to dominate them. It’s not something I’d put on a CV, but I was even once advised to consider setting up as a professional humiliatrix because I’m so good at it. Humble brag right there, and all 😉
Nice! Hey, when you’re good at something…you should embrace that and be proud of it! 🙂
I can see that conversation: “So what are your skills?”, “Cooking, writing and verbal humiliation. Yours?”. Haha!
Haha that would be great!