Disclaimer: Although nothing in this post is sexual, it contains details of my life, banter and conversations that happen within a self-described 24/7 D/s dynamic and is aimed at normalising and providing acceptance of those of us who choose to live this way. For further reading on my decision not to provide an adult content disclaimer on my non-sexual posts, please see my post “LGBTQ+K: A Case For “Kinky” As A Sexuality“. Thank you.
The stars in the night sky night just be more special than I thought.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the junk that had accumulated on our neighbour’s side of the communal front garden. Why the heck did he ever have a ‘men at work’ sign? Who collects these things? What use had he even had for it to begin with?
Enough! I was doing it again. I was overthinking.
Yesterday, I spent a great portion of my day analysing starsigns. It’s not something that I do with great dedication, but you can tell quite a bit about a person from their zodiac sign. My brother is a Pisces, and he is an emotional. imaginative acrylics artist, which is actually quite fitting for a Piscean. My father, a Cancerian, was incredibly intuitive and generous, but also prone to ruminative spells and sudden mood swings. My mother and I, both Virgos, can be incredibly direct – almost too direct sometimes, it would seem!
Going back to my point about my little knowledge of horoscopes, I also know that some starsigns are more compatible than others. Libras (that would be Matt) and Virgos are okay for romantic compatibility, but it’s not the best, and a Libra-Virgo relationship is said to have its struggles. Virgo doesn’t have much time for aloof behaviour, and Libras can be aloof. Libra can also play the jester, and Virgo would rather cut the crap and get to know you instead. It’s not that we’re a bad match necessarily, we’ve just got our niggles.
You’re a Scorpio? Interesting xx
Going back to my above point, I may not know much about the signs of the zodiac, but I do know that Scorpio-Virgo relationships have high compatibility in all fields. Scorpios and Virgos value depth in relationships, they value sincerity and they value honesty. Neither sign has much tolerance for casual commitments – you’re either in it, or you’re out.
You’re overthinking this xxx
Yes, in retrospect, I probably was, but that didn’t mean that that didn’t sting a little.
I decided that “I’m a Virgo, it’s what we do” is now my go-to line anytime someone criticises me for overthinking. Virgos are analytical, it’s what we do.
Being a Highly Sensitive Person on top of that probably doesn’t help, it’s like intuition on top of intuition. I’m like a walking, talking human lie detector, you just can’t lie to me. I will read you like a book, and I will figure you out. I analyse people all the time, I analyse their words, their actions, their body language, everything. It’s also why Matt failed to impress me by dancing to Justin Timberlake’s “Like I Love You” on New Year’s Eve 2008. To me, Matt was simply drunk out of his skull.
In my head, it had a ring of Harley Quinn’s “bad guys” moment, though I wouldn’t trust me with a cricket bat as far as I could throw me. I had take a stand and defend who I am, what I do. I analyse stuff. Sue me.
Oh honey, if you can get me out of my own head sometimes, please do! xx
The beautiful thing already is that Will and I have an off-the-bat level of honesty that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before – not in friendships, not in relationships, anywhere. There’s none of that ‘getting to know you’ interview, the one hundred questions that you get asked on a date in a desperate bid to hopefully find a handful of things in common. For us, we’ve been asking the questions as we go along.
And honestly, in a bizarre way, it feels like a much better, much more organic way to get to know someone. The conversation isn’t forced, it just flows. It’s natural.
Already, there are things that are taking meaning and presence in our relationship, and the stars are one of them. When I explained to Will that somehow the stars made me feel connected to my father, he reminded me that we, like the stars, are all connected in some way. It was a Babylon 5 reference, he assured me, but it was an interesting way of thinking nonetheless.
When Will told me that he may disappear on a whim sometimes as a part of his job, I had to think and decide how I would handle that. Could I handle that? Would I handle that? I had to get real.
Well then if it happens, I will look to the stars and I shall hope that you are okay xx
That was it. If the stars connected us, then the stars are a way of staying connected for us, too. If life and life’s events tore us apart, then somehow at least the stars would let Will know that I was thinking of him. From there, the stars became a part of us.
If you knew me, really knew me, then you’d also know that I am a stickler for fate. At first, Ed Sheeran’s latest hit meant little more than a good song, and then those lyrics too began to take on a meaning of their own:
My bad habits lead to late nights ending alone.
Well, one of us falls asleep eventually.
Conversations with a stranger I barely know.
It’s been what, two weeks?
Swearing this will be the last but it probably won’t.
We both know that, with monogamy in mind, ours is something of a forbidden connection.
I’ve got nothing left to lose, or use, or do.
Carpe diem, baby. Whatever it is, carpe diem.
My bad habits lead to wide eyes staring in space
How the heck can I have a connection like this with someone, this early on in time?
And I know I lose control of the things that I say.
Uhh, yeah. That would be me, Little Miss Direct.
I was looking for a way out, now I can’t escape.
Oh I knew I shouldn’t have fallen, but I did. Like Icarus flying too close to the sun, and I’ve already said as much.
Nothing happens after two, it’s true, it’s true.
2AM, my bed time, or at least it’s supposed to be.
My bad habits lead to you.
My bad habits, BDSM, the very thing that got us talking in the first place.
It’s not the first time it’s happened of course, because Nelly ft Kelly’s “Dilemma“ was one that happened early on in my relationship with Matt, and Bruno Mars “Marry You” was everywhere in the run up to our wedding day as well, and I mean that absolutely; in the shopping centres, the taxi on a night out, the radio in Dad’s car, the radio in his uncle’s car when we attended a relative’s golden wedding anniversary celebrations… Everywhere.
But last night the air waves all went a bit quiet, and as is in my disposition, I started to worry.
What had happened?
Was Will okay?
Had the time come and he’d been shipped off somewhere already?
Was he having second thoughts?
“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine” Matt assured me, sensing my anxiety. He probably was, but our communication had been near continuous the past few days, so this was rather bizarre.
As it was, the thing that had befallen my new Sir was the very thing that befalls them both – sleep. With Matt passed out on the sofa for 11PM I had only one thing to conclude – maybe it isn’t me who needs a bedtime, after all!