Everybody needs friends, especially kinky people.
Disclaimer: Although nothing in this post is sexual, it contains details of my life, banter and conversations that happen within a self-described 24/7 D/s dynamic and is aimed at normalising and providing acceptance of those of us who choose to live this way. For further reading on my decision not to provide an adult content disclaimer on my non-sexual posts, please see my post “LGBTQ+K:
How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
I think, for me it goes beyond just my submission being connected. For me, my whole kinky identity is connected, and really it doesn’t matter what your role is, having like-minded friends is important, regardless. I mix well with sadists, but it doesn’t mean that I’m serving all of them, I just like someone wuth a kind heart and a good sense of humour which sadists often do have – regardless of what they might have you believe otherwise! 😉
Do I think it’s important to have a strong support network in BDSM? Absolutely! Again, it doesn’t matter your role, everyone has thoughts, doubts, questions and insecurities sometimes, and it’s great to have someone to talk to about them. Sometimes,, someone who is a Dominant might have some experience as a submissive (or vice versa) so they can talk to you and help you answer any questions you may have, it can also have somebody that you can count on if you’re going through subpsace/Domspace. Don’t necessarily think so much of them as potential kinky partners, just think of them as kinky friends!
In terms of events, I did used to attend SWAMP (South West Alternative Market & Party), a market with an afterparty (which you can read a bit more about here, if you’re interested), I’ve also founded two munches in my time – the SWUT (South West Under-Thirty-fives) munch and Bristol Midweek Coffee Munch. The former has now been taken over and now operates as Bristol Under Thirty-fives but I will write about that story another time. Do I recommend parties and munches? Absolutely. Even just going out and getting coffee with new like-minded friends – do it, do it, do it! I’ve met some great people, I’ve had some great laughs and I’ve met some people that made it possible for me to attend events with them, and without my husband. BDSM is, unfortunately, something that people are still no really too comfortable with, so making friends from within the kink community can be invaluable.