Free BDSM Resources: My ‘BDSM Dynamic’ Brainstorm

Do you want to explore BDSM with your partner? Not sure what you both want? Try my free BDSM brainstorm!

Hello Twisties,

Not so long ago, Matt and I reached a critical juncture in our relationship. Time after time, week after week we kept coming to the same problem: Both of us knew that we we were at least a little bit kinky, both of us wanted to be at least a little bit kinky, but seemingly neither of us could make it work for the other. Determined and unwilling to give in, we decided to give our BDSM dynamic one last shot.

If you’ve ever had any experience with team-building or team-leading, them you will know that, in office and classroom-based activities at least, there are a plethora of paper-based tools that become available to you. Certainly each time I had to lead a class group, I wondered how brainstorms or four-quadrant priority systems could ever serve me in the adult world. Now that I use them to tackle all kinds of situations, however, I realise that they’re actually quite useful!

Realising that Matt and I were at loggerheads, I proposed that we each took a piece of paper and brainstormed down any kinky ideas that we would want if a dynamic was to go ahead for us. I wasn’t even sure if the idea would work, but at that point, anything was worth a try.

Sat in separate rooms, Matt and I took some time to write down as many ideas as we could think of. For us, it was also really important that we did this activity separately so that we couldn’t chat and accidentally influence one another.

With our brainstorms done and ourselves converging back on the sofa, Matt and I realised that we were both largely on the same page. We both wanted to be able to have a laugh, we both wanted to be there for one another and to play a little bit rough from time to time, too. Matt and I don’t match up in some areas, but that’s okay. Because of his openness to exploring polyamory, I was able to find me a wonderful partner who embraces (and very much loves) some of the most deepest, darkest corners of my depravity and cherishes me in his own kinky little way. Aww!

Creating Your Own ‘BDSM Dynamic’ Brainstorm

Now that I know how useful this tool was for us, I’ve decided to share it, completely free, with you, my beloved readers. You will find a blank worksheet in the instructions below or, to give you some ideas before you get started, you can take a look at my own example BDSM Dynamic brainstorm here.

Inspired? Then pens at the ready – let’s begin!

  1. Download my blank ‘BDSM Dynamic’ Brainstorm worksheet, also for free, here:

2. Print one copy per person and give each person a pen or pencil. Assign rooms or personal spaces to work on your brainstorm as well, if necessary. No printer? Replicate my worksheet with a pen on a blank piece of paper instead – as long as it works for you!

3. Agree an amount of time to create your brainstorm (we found 30 minutes was plenty).

4. Add ‘arms’ from your brainstorm and as as many ideas as you can think of within the time. Also add some kinky activities that you really enjoy and would want to explore often, if you like. Remember, this is your dream dynamic! Also remember to try not to influence your partner during this time.

5. Agree a way to go back and highlight your MUST-HAVES. For example, you could write them in capital letters, underline them, or highlight them with a highlighter pen.

6. Once the allotted time is up, come together with your partner and discuss your brainstorms in a non-judgemental way. Focus on areas of commonality first, and discuss differences after. Have another sheet of paper to take notes throughout your discussion, if you like.

I hope this worksheet helps you. Did you decide to create a BDSM Dynamic brainstorm? How did you find it? Did it help you? Let me know your thoughts in the comments or click here for more free BDSM resources!

Until next time.

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

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