Whether we’re single or not, how do we sate the urge to serve when we find ourselves all alone?
Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should. While I find that I can slip into a submissive mindset willingly on my own, I also find that there are times when it can do more harm than good, or when it can make me crave what I’m missing, rather than think about what I have. In this way, I don’t think it is necessarily always such a positive thing,.
If we’re to think about submission without a Dominant partner in mind, then I have written here about channelling your ‘Inner Dom’ to feel safe and at peace, or to kick your own butt and get things done. It is really important to me that a D/s relationship is interdependent, not co-dependent, and I believe that the ability to channel your ‘Inner Dom’ regardless of your relationship status is one such healthy way of doing just that. It means to say then that two people can come together, who can function just as well alone and who are only entering the dynamic out of choice, rather than coming together to meet a necessity..
If you already have a partner and you’re taking some time apart, for example, one of you is travelling or is away on business, then things can become a little bit different. Of course long-distance relationships happen (and in some many cases, even work out), but how do you make them work with D/s in mind?
As well as the usual texts, emails, and video calls, I believe that acts of submission, such as acts of service or rituals, can also help bridge the gap. You need to find practices and activities that can help you during your time apart. Perhaps you can create a daily schedule together or incorporate a ritual, such as a meditated ‘session’ where you can keep them in your mind instead, that will help you both to feel closer.
When I’m alone, my submissive state demonstrates itself through a sort of quieter, more distant state. I get a glassy-eyed look and I don’t really respond to stimulus, unless it’s loud and abrupt (like the dog barking), in which case I can be a little bit short with my stressor. Typically, that state lasts anywhere from a few hours, through to a couple of days.
As for how I handle my submission, I wrote in my last 30 Days Of Submission‘ that I use my same position for meditation and submission, and this is exactly how I cope with these feelings. I get ‘into myself’, I allow myself to feel them, I allow myself to enjoy the peace, the calm and tranquillity that comes with feeling submissive, the way my skin gets incredibly sensitive and tingly and my breathing becomes softer, deeper and more relaxed. I notice it and really feel it, I don’t try and run or hide from it. Then, when I feel ready, I gently let my senses (and my somewhat monotonous reality) come back.
I hope you you enjoyed this post. How do you cope with your submission without a Dominant? Let me know in the comments!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun,
PS. Are you a single submissive? Be sure to check out this post for some helpful tips in finding your next kinky partner, from me, your friendly (former) Domme!
2 thoughts on “30 Days Submission: Day 22 – Submission Without Domination, Is It Possible?”
Interesting post, Helen. D and s seem inextricably linked and I wonder if you could write about how someone might experience submission without a Dominant, not even if they’re in a relationship. Could someone express their submission as a single person or without a Dominant? I wonder…
Hi Holly, thank you for your comment. It’s definitely an interesting thought and I think yes, but in a different way. From my experiences, I think when kinky people are single, the focus seems to deviate towards finding that kinky partner. Perhaps the focus should be on self love, rather than finding love? I’ll definitely add it to my list and give it some thought in a future post, thank you for the inspiration.