Bloganuary Tag: Day 16

Bloganuary header image day 16

What’s your greatest passion?

Hello Twisties!

Welcome back to another Bloganuary post. The prompt is now available and I am excited to write again for you. If you haven’t read it already, be sure to check back to yesterday’s post for more fun answers, or take a read of all of my Bloganuary posts under the ‘Bloganuary’ category in the right-hand menu.

What Is Bloganuary?

A fun and quirky amalgamation of ‘blog’ and ‘January’ (obviously), Bloganuary is a brand new tag award run by WordPress. Every day, a question or prompt can be sent to you for you to answer on your blog, however you so please. Why wait? Get involved with other bloggers, make new connections, reach new audiences and drive more traffic to your site today!

Fancy taking part in the Bloganuary tag? Click here

And now, let’s begin… 

Day 16: What is a cause you’re passionate about and why?

I’m passionate about a few things. First of all, acknowledgement of “kinky” as a sexuality, which I have written more about here. Secondly, I am passionate about the inclusion of disabled people in BDSM, as a disabled person who has experienced firsthand the segregation of disabled submissives for not being ‘perfect’ (and therefore not desirable) submissives. This cuts both ways, and disabled Dominants can find themselves segregated, too. Third, I am passionate about the continuing of kink, that we continue to teach people about kink whilst resisting the monopolisation of kink within and outside of the community. Especially in a time of digital media, social media influencers and “experts“, I feel that it is vital that we realise that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to kink, there is no recognised handbook nor manual and so you should make kink look however you want it to look, provided of course that your arrangement stays within the confines of SSC (or at least RACK!).

Today, I’m going to be focusing more on the latter, and how I came to be. 

It’s story time, folks… 

Why I Started Kinky With A Twist

I grew up in a fairly normal household on the outskirts of North Bristol, UK. I use ‘normal’ loosely here because we weren’t much of a normal bunch at all. We were mad as hatters, pulling small, harmless pranks on one another and laughing plenty. We had dozens of pets too; Two dogs, a cat, ten ducks, twelve chickens, tropical fish, goldfish, bees… the jokes  about ‘living on a farm’ had fair reasoning.

I still remember the first time that I met Mum’s friend, P. He seemed unassuming but smartly dressed, quieter, not so much of a sense of humour. I wasn’t afraid of P but I also didn’t laugh and joke with him. I respected him, because he was Mum and Dad’s friend. 

 I was about fifteen when I learned who P really was. 

P was my mother’s Dominant. Her visiting him to do some written work for him was really her visiting him for a play session, and them going to “adults-only swim” was really them going to a fetish club. We had a babysitter when we were younger and we were usually plied into good behaviour with snacks, cake and popcorn. You didn’t think to ask questions other than “what time is Eileen coming over?” and “can I have some cake yet?”. Now that we were older, it was more “what time are you going out?” and “can we order a pizza for tea?”.

I can remember in my teens, I had thoughts that I thought I was quite alone in having. For reasons unknown (I’d never been on a canal boat!), I had thoughts of being tied up and used on a canal boat, or of being bound and throat fucked by several boys in the years above me. I could never understand it, and I could never understand why my peers were so fascinated by sex. Sex looked so mediocre to me – when do the good bits come in? 

I learned quite soon after that my mother is a masochist, or a “pain junkie” as my father so eloquently put it. My brother was horrified, but I was deeply intrigued – did all of my darkest thoughts finally make a shred of sense? 

Mum and Dad were there for me as I come to understand kink, answering any questions that I had in earnest and reassuring me where I needed it. It wasn’t wrong to think or have these thoughts, they said, and it’s not wrong to explore them either, as long as they’re safe, sane, consensual – and you’re old enough! 

It was just after my eighteenth birthday that I attended my first fetish event, with Mum and Dad in tow. It was odd, but then in a way it was also quite nice. I had people that I knew there – and I got away with using my parent’s first names for the first time! 

It was there that I met Mistress A, who would go on to become my kink life lifelong friend. After my fire, she was the only person who reached out to me. 

It sounds odd to have come into kink through my family connections and yet it went on to give me something of celebrity status. Every time I walked into my local club, Mistress A would greet me and fuss over me.

“This is Elena, D’s daughter, you know our D?” Mistress A would say as she introduced various people to me. Elena, the name I usually used on the scene. 

I can remember that one time. There was a kerfuffle with a young Dominatrix accusing me of being an exposé and demanding that I never be let into the club. It had been on the local forums and I imagined we’d have some heated words at the club. 

I never even got a chance to meet her, Mistress A and the team had forcefully evicted her beforehand. She didn’t know me like they did. 

After that, I felt like I owed the BDSM community something back.

I felt as though I should be here to teach, support and educate the next generation of kinksters, just like my parents had been there for me.

By day, I was struggling to find work. Because of my disabilities, getting work that accommodated my needs (try finding a boss that is sympathetic to varying health conditions, it’s impossible!) was difficult. I attended various disability employment agencies to, but to very little success. The Brandon Trust did manage to secure me part-time work for the NHS, but even that only lasted for eight months.

“We could also consider helping you set up to work from home?” the advisor said, I was really keen on that idea. Working from home would put an end to all of the obstacles that I was facing, and it would allow me to properly work.

I never got that advice. 

In the end, I resigned myself to a life on benefits. I couldn’t get out to work, so becoming a housewife on benefits was the only option left for me. Even cleaning was hard, but I could develop my own rules and my own cleaning system. It didn’t matter how long my day was or how many breaks I needed, I could still get the cleaning done. 

But my mind was bored. 

So I started writing, and I started blogging.

I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to write about initially, writing about whatever came to mind. I refrained from writing about kink at first, and then started writing about kink as time went on. More and more people were fascinated in my life as a disabled person who also practices kink, and that was how I decided I would start blogging about it. 

I would start up Kinky With A Twist.

Coming up with the name was a challenge, but it came to me, ironically, when I wasn’t really thinking about it at all. I was kinky, oh heck, I was kinky, but the ‘twist’ was that I wasn’t the normal kind of kinky. The ‘twist’ was in that I have a somewhat broken body, I wasn’t that hot, slim, busty submissive that people usually associated with the BDSM scene. I wanted to make sure it was known that absolutely anyone can be kinky, not just ‘perfect’ people. 

I banked on what made me, me… and it was a success!

I’m proud to be here, I’m proud to be doing what I love and what’s more, I’m proud to be helping other people. My parents always said that I was altruistic and humble, they just didn’t know my work would be with thanks to them.

That’s it from me for today Twisties! Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for my next Bloganuary post!

Until next time.

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

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