An Apology To My Ex

A pair of red roses with a note that reads 'I'm sorry'.

Sometimes healing ourselves means helping to heal others.

As I sat and thought of you today, I had only kind things to say. I could be resentful and bitter of course, but that’s just not who I am. Instead, I wanted to apologise. If you can spare me a minute, I’d like to thank you for listening.

First of all, I’m sorry that I hurt you. My goal was only ever to be truthful, to connect with you and to form a strong, honest, loving relationship with you, but it seems as though we were incapable of that in the end. I didn’t mean to make you feel unwanted or rejected, but I suppose hurt people hurt people, don’t they?

Second, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I won’t disclose that here, it’s none of my business, but know that it shouldn’t have happened. You didn’t deserve for that to happen to you, nobody does, but it did. Know that their behaviour is a reflection of them and not a reflection of you.

Third, I’m sorry that you could never see what I saw in you; an attractive man of value and worth. I wanted you many times over, but not how you treated me. You deserve love, peace and happiness. I deserve love, peace and happiness, too. 

Fourth, I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you. I tried my best, but my best was just never quite good enough. I hope that someday you’ll find someone who is better for you and better suited to you than I was, if indeed you haven’t already found her.

Fifth, I thank you, because you made me wake up, see my worth and see that I shouldn’t settle for less. I thank you for all that you gave me; the tasks, the laughs and the memories.

Finally, I forgive you, because I understand that it takes a truly troubled person to hurt another. I forgive you for all of the hurt and confusion that you put me through. I only hope that, with time, you will be able to reach forgiveness, too.

I wish you all the very best in your future, I’m sorry that it won’t be with me.

4 thoughts on “An Apology To My Ex

  1. So beautifully written, my friend. I’m glad you’ve reached a place of peace and healing. I think it’s so mature of you to extend that to your ex too. Sending you a GIANT hug!

    1. Thank you Penny, I’m certainly working on it. The trouble is, I don’t think forgiveness is a one and done act. I mean, I’ve forgiven him, but I’ve forgiven him for what he did because of what he is, if that make sense? I’m not angry maybe, just hurt and disappointed because the man I thought he was is not the man he is. That means lowering my expectations and views of him, and to be honest, lowering those expectations means to set the bar at somebody I wouldn’t want to date anyway đŸ˜‰

      1. forgiveness should come with forgetting as well. You shouldn’t be disappointed. Sometimes us men put up a front to get something we want and then after we get it our true colors come out. And we become who we truly are. Not all are that way, but many are. Be grateful you found out before he hurt you in other ways. Trust and good communication take time to develop

      2. Thank you slave sindee, you are right. I wouldn’t have met him without his wife knowing anyway, talking online without permission is bad enough. I’m

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