Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
Yes, just one. I’ve long had an objectification fantasy that I’ve not exactly kept hidden, but that I’ve also still not explored. I’ve come close a few times, and I think each time I come close then I resist it because I’m somewhat afraid of how it will end.
For the most part it involves some kind of medical play, but it can’t be too medical because that would feel too close to a real medical scenario and that would feel really awkward. In my mind there’s sort of like a grey zone – things that partners don’t normally do to their partners but aren’t necessarily “too medical” for this situation – things like puppilary response tests, “senation tests” , pulse monitors (which could be fun if your partner is trying to conceal their arousal!) and the such. It’s not “normal” to do to a partner, and because it crosses a boundary of what is “normal” (but is still, arguably, “caring” for your partner) and not, I find that hot. Scrubs don’t turn me on, but a pair of latex gloves paired with a shirt will make me catch my breath because again, it crosses that normal/not-normal boundary. I can’t say that they’re a bad partner just because they noticed that I seemed a little off-colour and really, really wanted to make sure I was okay, right? Think about that.
Where does the ‘objectification’ part come in? For me in this scenario, I find terms like “subject” or “patient” have an almost hypnotic effect. They rid me of my identity, and thus my responsibilities, and just allow me to “be”. They allow me to give in to the moment, to give in to sensations and experiences, rather than worrying myself about what’s next on my to-do list.
Insofar as the sexual part this fantasy then anything medical/sexual does nothing at all for me. I find that this is about submission for me, not sex; it’s all about a power exchange and trust. Although I’m always open to sex in my scenes, it probably wouldn’t be with anything medical going on. It would have to be a before or after, maybe, not a “during”.
Now lets’ get onto the other side of this:
Do I think this has something to do with ASMR, rather than BDSM? Perhaps, yes, I do. I quite often find that it confuses people in the BDSM community but comes up from time to time in the ASMR community, and because of that I frequently explore this little fantasy under the pretexts of ASMR. I think also, exploring this fantasy through a content creator – rather than through a physical relationship – gives me some kind of control: it’s not a real human-to-human interaction, so it doesn’t matter a dime whether I get aroused or if I just fall asleep. To further explain (and to conclude on this post), here are a couple of videos that I frequent. There is nothing overtly sexual about them, and yet…