TMI Tuesday, 19th July 2022

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Who’s back for another round?

What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some personal thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome!

How To Play TMI Tuesday

Copy the below TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Me Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for my answer!

And now, onto the questions…

1. Confession booth. Confess two things right here on TMI Tuesday.

  1. I’m a shameless flirt. My grandmother was a flirt, my father was a flirt – flirting is in my genes!
  2. Despite the above, I can actually be painfully shy if a new person comes on too strong. I spent much of my life believing that I’m undesirable and unattractive, so I have to mentally and forcefully change the narrative from “they want me?” to “they want me!”. I’m getting there, but it still takes a bit of work.

2. I am guilty of _____ .

Making awful pun jokes. If you throw down a pun with me around and I hear it, it’s game on.

I’m a blogger, words are just what I do 😉

3. A big box is delivered to you. The address is correct but the name on the label is not you. Do you open the box?

Absolutely not, it might be Matt’s 😉

No, but seriously, this is something that sort of happened/happens where we live now. Not parcels delivered to this address so much (that’s a whole other story), but certainly mail. The person who lived here before us obviously hadn’t changed their address/had their mail cancelled (if they passed away), so we get mail addressed to the “ghosts” all the time. I’d just write “NOT AT THIS ADDRESS” on it and take it to the post office, or arrange a collection if it was big or heavy. I did, however, accidentally once open a packet meant for a lady with the same door number as us, but on the street behind ours. She was totally cool about it though and just glad to get her misdelivered package at all.

As for parcels at this address (for those who actually want that story), we’ve often been asked to take parcels for our neighbours, either upstairs or several doors away, or even on another street! It’s to the point that we’ve now got a sign on our parcel safe that says “mail for (our address) ONLY, please return all undelivered mail” because we got fed up with being the local undesignated holding office. Also, with COVID, it was putting us at risk to be handling mail for other people. Not so much in the getting it out of the safe, but certainly in visiting them and handing it over.

4. How long have you held a grudge?

About 14 years, but it was an accumulation of things that just led me to snap in the end. Here’s the summary:

S held a murder mystery party, and who were the bad guys? You guessed it, the biggest rivals to her and her fella’s “perfect couple” status – Matt and me! It was fun in a way and really hot to act with Matt (I think it amped up the temperature for us for a few days afterwards!), but still frustrating that we’d clearly been singled out to be the villains and to be named and shamed by the rest of the group. She also had us in really servile roles of maid and butler, while everyone else was supposed to be rich and classy. Here’s how that looks, if you’re interested 😉

my husband and I as a buler and French maid at a murder mystery party
Mrs Fluffles? No darling, it’s Maid Tuservé 😉

At my 20th birthday party barely six weeks later, she suddenly stood up and loudly announced “I’m bored. I’m going to Flamingos (a former gay bar in Bristol), who else is coming?” and staged a mass walk out. My Nan had Alzheimer’s disease and after she deteriorated suddenly, my fun house party had to be a low-key garden BBQ with a portaloo in the shed, because Nan was getting anxious about people walking through the house. Most people were very understanding and the porataloo even became a bit of a novelty, but even still, I’ve never forgiven my ‘friend’ for that stunt – not least because she was a carer herself!

Weddings… oh boy, weddings! She was going to have a big, fancy Las Vegas wedding, with swimming with the dolphins and all. Her wedding was going to be the best-ever wedding, she insisted, and the friends who couldn’t go because they didn’t have or wouldn’t buy a passport and visa to attend were simply not her real friends. In the end and realising how many people wouldn’t or couldn’t go, she quickly changed her tune and settled for a cheap, £1,000 hotel wedding package instead, but not before she made out that she was the victim of having poor friends. The hotel wedding was, if’I’m being completely honest, probably the worst wedding that I have ever been to. Everything was cheap, the decor minimal, the food bland and low quality and the dress-ill-fitting. There was no reception buffet, and guests were so hungry that they were squabbling over the chocolate casino tokens on the tables. The DJ was so poor too that most of her guests were socialising and chatting on the sofas in the foyer instead. The marriage itself lasted just eight months with her claiming that he was abusive and that she didn’t even want to go through with the wedding to begin with, but did it because people were already expecting a show.

A few days before her now-boyfriend’s birthday bar crawl, I took a tumble over a rope path border at Bristol Zoo Gardens and twisted my knee. I was on crutches for about three weeks, which made getting around a little bit tricky. I wasn’t going to miss the night though, so I explained to her that I couldn’t do a bar crawl on crutches (not with RSD in my wrist) but if she let me know where they planned to land up and roughly what time, we’d meet them there instead, and that as fine. On the night, I text her to ask if they were at the chosen venue and she said no, they were still at the first bar but to go join them there and then we’d all walk up. I refused, citing that I’d already said I couldn’t travel far on crutches and I told her not to worry, enjoy the night and we’ll catch up soon instead, once I’m off of crutches. She then spent much of the night texting and calling me, giving me the wobbly lip and saying we were flaky and that we always let her down. Even when I said goodnight to her, she still kept calling and saying how sad she was that we weren’t there, if we don’t want to be her friend anymore just say etc. In the end I got so annoyed with her that I told her I had already apologised several times and offered to meet up again another time (thus testamount to wanting to maintain the friendship) but that, and in no uncertain terms, if she tried to guilt me over the matter again then the friendship was off for good. Funnily enough, that worked.

The final nail in the coffin came when I accidentally set our old kitchen on fire. I set up a GoFundMe page because several people wanted to help us get back on our feet, and instead of actually helping or supporting us in any way, she just laughed and said we should have had contents insurance. Right though she may be, nobody needs a “friend” like that in one of their darkest hours.

Matt still interacts with her, I’ve blocked her on all platforms now and want nothing more to do with her. Apparently she’s now a qualified nurse, but that means nothing to me. Sadly, there are and probably will always be some toxic people in the care industry.

5. Does anyone have a grudge against you? Why?

Quite possibly. Probably my ex, but also the guy who used to message me on MSN Messanger (remember those days?) then want to cam. We went on a couple of dates and I was genuinely impressed by him (punctual, presentable but not overdone) and that was okay, but we had very different desires and he tried fingering me in the cinema on our last date – which I absolutely wasn’t okay with – but he profusely apologised after I said no, so I forgave him. We stayed in touch as friends and a sort of “keeping my options open”, because he wasn’t a bad guy, I just wasn’t looking for anything so sexual. At that time, I just wanted to date and get comfortable with being around men – then see how it goes!

Anyway, we used to cam a lot and I’d kind of just let the cam run in the background while doing whatever the hell I want to do. Some guys are into that, right? You could be sipping tea or idly twirling your hair while you do degree-level mathematics, and they’re there for that. More often than not I’d be playing solitaire (I know, I know, but let’s not judge one another here, okay? 😉 ) and that was cool, he’d just ask me what I was up to and I’d tell him. One time (and after a bit of bored-shitless-but-don’t-want-to-seem-rude silence), he messaged me with a winky face, so of course I toggled across to the chat just to see him move the camera close and bust a load. Can my eyes get pregnant? They felt violated!

The worst part was that he just hauled his pants right on up after. Absolutely zero clean up, he just pulled up his trousers and carried on chatting. Gross!

Anyway, I cottoned onto a pattern with him. Sometimes there would be a week or two between his messages, and during those weeks his name would appear with hearts, then broken hearts, then after a while he might message me again. His message was always ended with kisses too, that was how I knew he was creeping.

So I called him out on it. I told him straight that no woman wants to know that she is on a list of potential suitors, no man does either, but if you’re going to play that game then at least be discreet about it. I also told him that a woman wants to feel desired and loved for who she is, not simply because of the parts she has. He told me that I was “just like all of the other girls”, so I acted like all of the other girls do – I blocked his ass and I moved on.

So does he hold a grudge? Maybe, but then, I don’t think I really lucked out there!

Bonus: There is this one thing in my life I wish I had not done. I wish I had not _____ .

Stolen from my parents. I know, I feel truly horrendous for it now, but that is my cross to bear.

So the story goes, my Mum used to set housekeeping at £60 per week, and that went up to £75 per week no sooner than I got a part-time job. My job required me to travel 3 hours total each day, with two buses each way, run by two different companies. By the time I’d paid housekeeping, bought my monthly bus passes and the occasional lunch when necessary, I had more money by not ever working to begin with. Quite often I couldn’t afford to go and see Matt, even if I really wanted to, and even if, sometimes, I felt unsafe at home.

So I did the unthinkable.

While my parents were downstairs, I’d rifle through the laundry for a couple of coins. or I’d steal them from their bedroom floor until I had enough for a bus ticket, or even a partial ticket, then I’d walk the rest of the way. I hate myself for it now and even if I could never apologise (it probably would have gotten violent), I still feel terrible for doing it. In the end, I started leaving £10 or £20 notes tucked away in random places and by way of repayment, but it hasn’t (and won’t) absolved me of my guilt. My parents loved me, they tried to protect me and they sacrifiiced for me, I just wish that their love came with a little bit more respect and empathy.

That’s it from me for this TMI Tuesday! Join me next week for the next round. Do you have any questions for me for next week? Don’t forget to leave them in the comments below!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

9 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday, 19th July 2022

  1. Lol, I am the source of groans for all my real-life friends, because I just can’t resist blurting out the puns off the top of my head. It’s worse because we speak multiple languages here, which means I have more ammunition to use. I do sympathise with my friends though, because these are first drafts, and a lot of them aren’t really puns more than they are outwards thoughts, lol. Anyway, thanks for sharing your TMI!

    1. Oh my, okay I will have to bow down and admit defeat at that one, I only speak English, some French and a tiny bit of Italian lol. I think in all forms though, having a sense of humour is a good thing. As long as you laugh with others and not at others, it can be great for team building. Thank you for commenting, Stuart!

    1. I think because they’re annoying to other people and you just know that most people won’t try and match you? There’s always the odd one or two though, but that’s okay, we call those people our friends lol

      1. Haha, Matt and me will just look at one another or he will just say to me “don’t say anything”. He used to tell me to swallow it and my answer was always “that’s what he said” lol. What is life without laughter?

      2. Haha right? Matt was talking about erections in a virtual meeting today (he works in buildings maintenance, it was about scaffolding for a job) and I just kept looking at him and raising an eyebrow or wagging a finger. It was so funny to watch him try to keep it together lol. Apparently his colleague messaged him privately and said “haha! You said ‘big erection’ jn a client meeting” as well, just to make it all that much worse lol. I’m glad to know I’m not the only highly immature person on WordPress 😂

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