TMI Tuesday, 02nd August 2022 – Of Digital Dating

A heart silhouette on an illuminated keyboard. Suggets online dating, digital romance, love.

Who’s back for another round?

What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some personal thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome!

How To Play TMI Tuesday

Copy the below TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Me Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for my answer!

And now, onto the questions…

1. What is your go to question to ask in online dating?

I don’t do online dating (I met my future husband while wearing a white keikogi, of all things) so this question doesn’t really apply to me, but if it did, it would probably be “so are you a cat person or a dog person, or do you prefer not to have pets at all?”. Pet/dog-haters and cat-only people need not apply, dog parents and dog lovers are supreme. Yes, I am biased. I’m allowed to be:

One of life’s great mysteries – the tumbledryer

2. How old is the pic you use for your online dating profile?

See above, but I’d probably use the same photo that I use on WordPress (even if it is really old), just because I love it and it’s one that my Dad took. Yeah, catfishing, yada yada. Frankly, the way I feel is that if a person can’t understand my reasons for using that photo (I’m still going through grief) and is only dating me because of how I looked back then, I’m already not into them anyway. People change, people dye their hair, they get wrinkles, they gain a few pounds. If you’re so shallow as to say “they look nothing like their picture”, then thanks, but no thanks. That’s probably also why I don’t do online dating though, because I just wouldn’t think to keep updating my profile photo. Of all of the things that I photograph, ‘me’ is seldom one of them. Case in point, here is the last five photographs I took:

I do need to update my photo at some point though, and it is on my agenda, it’s just not for the purposes of hooking up.

3. What is your biggest dating pet peeve?

Bad manners, 100%. If I can be a decent human being, so can you.

But also sexism and outdated views. I’m no TERF, but you better believe that I have my own contactless debit card and you better believe that I’ll probably use it at some point if the date/relationship is going good. Who cares who pays for what? If your ego is so fragile that you go off in a huff over me paying for something so that we can enjoy some more time together, we aren’t compatible anyway. Guys, please stop ruining a good time/potential relationship because a modern day woman just paid for your fucking coffee. Please? If all goes well, you can put that couple of dollars not spent towards the engagement ring/tuxedo hire/nursery instead. Short term interests vs long term gains, my friend. Don’t lose sight of the forest for all of the trees.

"Manners maketh man" gif. The Kingsman Secret Service. Image from Tenor.

4. What are your goals with online dating?

To fuck as many men as possible before I shuffle off this mortal coil? No, I’m being sarcastic. Again, I don’t do online dating, so this question isn’t applicable for me.

5. Have you ever slid into a stranger’s DMs? Did they respond?

Once I think, the story goes like this: I was a teen, highly insecure, firmly believed that I was undatable and desperate to find love and be loved. I used to use this website called E-Spin-The-bottle and I matched with this guy, who was a pilot. I was really hesitant about messaging him at first, but then decided to message him anyway. We ended up doing a (face) pic swap and he blocked me soon after, further affirming my belief that I was ugly and undatable. The reality is that, unfortunately, quite a lot of people on these sites are searching for a 10 while they’re only maybe a 6 themselves, and I’d know, because I was one of them once. When you get out there, when you meet real people and you get drawn to real people with personalities and not just faces on a screen, that’s when real love happens. I’ve known quite a few people to try online dating, several of them got ghosted, none of them got married, one narrowly got scammed. The best way to find love? Just be friends first. It’s worked out twice for me!

Just don’t do the thing that I’m really good at, where I like someone and they like me, but then I proceed to be absolutely fucking clueless about it. That’s also happened to me twice now, and I’m desperately trying not to make it a hat-trick. I know that it comes in with my confidence, remenants of the old days etc, I need to believe in myself as much as other people believe in me. I need to “straighten out the question mark” and turn that “I am desirable?” into “I am desirable!”. All in good time, my friends, all in good time.

Bonus: Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate?

Ahh, now this is a ‘neither’ situation. I think predominantly separate, but also, if trust is good in your relationship, then you can have a joint savings account. Matt and I have separate current accounts, but we also have a joint savings account which we used to save up for our wedding.

Joint accounts take trust and communication, so if you have a partner who will see ‘our’ money as ‘my’ money and spend it all on a shopping spree/the bookies, then that style is not for you and to be honest, probably neither is the relationship. Our separate accounts aren’t because I don’t trust Matt (I wouldn’t do what I do with him if I didn’t), they are because we are still two independent people who happen to be in love with one another. We did not mush into this whole new being when we got married (fortunately, because that would be weird), and so we have always maintained that level of autonomy from one another. We both pay some of the bills – usually I keep and maintain stock of the household supplies we need, whereas Matt does the Deliveroo shops when we forget to get meat out of the freezer.

When you get married, or when you live together, you stop having “your money” and “my money” so much anyway. Even with separate accounts, you still think in terms of the relationship unit. If you’re not prepared to look out for your mate as much as you look out for yourself, then to be honest, you probably shouldn’t be looking for a partner in the first place. That’s just my two cents.

That’s it from me for this TMI Tuesday! Join me next week for the next round. Do you have any questions for me for next week? Don’t forget to leave them in the comments below!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

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4 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday, 02nd August 2022 – Of Digital Dating

  1. Interesting topic this week! I myself had a long stretch of being single, where I’d used Tinder a lot (when it just came out, before it had Super Likes and all that fancy stuff). There was this one time a woman double-booked me and some other dude, who came early. I faked being a friend and having to leave so that they could carry on, lol.

    1. Ooh Stuart! That sounds really awkward. Isn’t it funny how online dating always seems to land up in some true horror stories? For me, there was the guy for me who took me into a hardware store and put a colander on my head because he didn’t know how else to tell me that he wasn’t interested, or the guy who told me, over coffee and on a second date, that he would bend me over the coffee table and f*ck me if there weren’t so many people in Starbucks. I feel like, sometimes, online relationships only ever lead us to situations where the person we meet is nothing like we’d imagined them to be. In fact, I think if people were the same online as what they are offline, then the most chattiest, friendliest people online would probably stop saying so much at all! Thanks for commenting Stuart!

      1. Lol, that last bit about the chattiest people online not speaking in real life could totally be me. I suck at real-life interaction, and sound more articulate online than I really am. I wonder how many women I’ve terrorised during my Tinder meet-ups too.

  2. Hey I’m sure you’re fine! I’m notorious for the dreaded “umm”, or I try to crack a joke and I get all flustered instead. It happens when we meet someone new Stuart, don’t beat yourself up about it. You try, that’s the main thing.

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