As you may have noticed I am coming towards the end of my “30 Days Of Submission” challenge now and so when I saw this one from Tickleberry I was keen to get involved. I originally planned this post for last week but given my exciting news then I decided to write the guest post for the Friday and try again today. I hope you enjoy!
Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I think over time then my answer has changed somewhat, though simultaneously also not really. I think I’m a sub switch, though I was more of a Domme to start with. That’s the short version, now let’s get into the long version!
I think I’ve always been looking for someone, or someones, who can handle me. I’m a natural leader and naturally very strong-willed, but there is a world of difference between leading because you have to and leading because you want to. I’ve always been the former, finding myself in situations with people who just don’t want to work, or would rather that someone else did the work because real work is hard and it’s often dull. I’m a very driven person, but that often comes at a price.
Left to my own devices then I go and go until I go pop. If I can’t depend on people to work with me then I will work myself into the ground because I’d rather see the group succeed than see us collectively fail. I’m a mug in that regard, and that’s why I have to be very careful now about who I form teams with now.
Sometimes though, sometimes I’m not careful enough, and that’s when I need a Dominant partner to intervene. Sometimes I need someone who will tell me “enough” and to go for a nap or whatever. I need someone who is proud of me, respects me and cares about me, someone with my best interests at heart who will pull me to check, even when I don’t want to give up. That’s not necessarily something I want, but sometimes it’s something that I need.
I had that once before, in Tom, my Australian ex-Dom. The connection there was amazing and he set me a whole variety of tasks that focused on me looking after myself properly, things like getting my hair professionally styled at a salon or getting a massage. He made me report regularly, told me to stop when he felt like I’d done enough and pushed me when he felt I could do more. He was proud of me from halfway around the world, and I felt it. I really felt it. In turn that pushed me to work harder and to do better. Failing was okay, but beating myself up was not. He unfortunately needed something closer to home and I don’t blame him, he more than deserved it.
I’m not very into discipline, and that is because, pardon me, but discipline takes a lot of the fun out of BDSM for me. Fine if that’s what you’re into, but I prefer to keep things light-hearted. With that all being said then I’m not completely against it, but I do find it a bit finicky and obsessed with the smaller details sometimes, which tends to invoke a lot of eye-rolling from me. Kneeling? Fine. Set appearances for playtime? Fine. Logical rules like being careful with my words and not saying words I shouldn’t? Fine. Remembering sixteen positions and a list of bizarre rules as long as my arm? Please. If it’s a really, really sticking point then I can be negotiable, but “because I said so” or heaven forbid a Ms Trunchbull-style “I’m Dom, your sub” doesn’t wash with me. At all. Like I said, I’m a leader, and I work on respect. Any rules I follow have to make sense and they have to be easy to remember. They also have to help in some way, or at least be fairly unobtrusive.
I do respond quite well to strictness, but it has to be “stick and carrot”, not continual stick. No fun? That’s no fun.
I am a brat, a tease, a smart-ass. I dance with danger and both of my two know this. I’ll lean across Matt’s lap to steal the TV remote and I’ll use my words with Bill in far less-than-subtle ways, knowing full well what I’m doing. I enjoy the power rush, all while knowing that I don’t really want to be in control at all. The Brotherhood works so well with me here; I make them think, and they make me think in turn. There’s nothing worse for me than handing over my submission to someone who demands it but hasn’t earned it. It’s like I’ve said before, I used to demand a pony when I was a kid – I never got one though!
I am something of a Middle, and I do enjoy the Daddy Dom kink. I don;t engage in age regression but I am young at heart and I’m known to giggle when I’m in trouble. I think of myself as a sexual Little/Middle, and provoking Daddy is just something that I love to do…
I’m a prey, and I enjoy the thrill of the chase and I enjoy feeling hunted and captured. I love playing rough, biting, wrestling, all that good stuff. Breeding, because at the end of the day then we’re all little more than animals in polycotton skins.
I’m a masochist, I enjoy sensation play, candle wax, spanking, nipple pulling. Pinwheels particularly are a mutual love for Matt and me, but floggers and riding crops are also a love of mine. I don’t do punishments but I do well with “funishments” and I do well with sessions where the only intention is to feel. Punishments make me get far too into my head and see myself as an outright failure. Growing up as the black sheep of the family, I can get really down on myself in a punishment scene and I start tearing myself apart. I also get into the mindset that perhaps I am a bad submissive and perhaps I should stop playing these games, which won’t be fun for anyone. The best way for me to avoid that ugly space is by resolving problems through mutually respectful, scene-free dialogue, not discipline.
I’m a submissive giver, and I adore giving pleasure. I don’t swallow, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t please my Dominants in other ways and I take great pride in doing so. I’m not a slut, a slut gets used sexually to fulfil an objective, I give myself for pleasure with the pleasure of my submission being my own reward. A subtle but important difference, I feel.
And yet, there is a small part of me. Just a teeny, tiny little sparkle sometimes…
I am a humiliatrix, an owner, and I enjoy treating people – consensually – like pets and lower-thans. I enjoy the satisfaction that comes with owning a willing, obedient, respectful submissive. I enjoy the pleasure that comes from having belongings that will happily work for me, and expeditiously. I’ve been known to unintentiinally call Matt a “good boy” once or twice, which is usually more than enough to get me bitten or spanked.
A Mommy – I have to care for others, I can’t just not care. Care in relationships goes both ways, and a power dynamic doesn’t change that.
A goddess, “to be worshipped by all” as Preaching To The Perverted’s Peter Avery would have us believe. I enjoy the respect and desire to please that comes with owning a submissive. I enjoy the idea of having a man (or a woman) who is hungry to please me, sexually, who is addicted to my scent and my taste.
A Sadist, I enjoy forcing orgasms, ruining orgasms, edging. I love watching helpless cocks twitch and shoot for me, knowing full well that there is nothing that they can do.
The problem with it? I suppose sometimes I really do like to switch, and still other times, I don’t like to be either. I’m also a writer, a dog mom, a housewife, a cook. Sometimes I even just like to flop out and forget about everything in its entirety, I just like to be… me. I need someone – or someones – who understands life, who understands that as great as it would be to live in the fantasy of BDSM, unfortunately we do still live in the real world. I need someones who understand the desire to switch, and that it’s impossible to be both Dominant and submissive at the same time, or sometimes even anything at all.
Finding someones who doesn’t expect you to be constantly “on” with your kinky self is quite often the hardest part.