TMI Tuesday, 18th October 2022 – Do Tell

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What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some personal thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome!

How To Play TMI Tuesday

Copy the below TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Me Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for my answer!

And now, onto the questions…

1. Just curious. If you are in an open relationship, would it bother you if your partner’s new lover sent you pics of them together? Why or why not?

Yes, I think it would. Being open is one thing, but I would see that as possibly being spiteful and petty, or highly insensitive at the least. People have feelings, and even if we’re okay with our partner having other partners then it doesn’t mean to say that we want to be forcefully reminded of their happy existence just yet, or even ever. Seeing stuff on Facebook etc would be one thing, but being sent it or tagged into it without being asked first would be another. If you have a kitchen-table polyamory arrangement then it might be cool, but not everyone does. Maybe don’t do that until you’re at least friendly with your metamours is what I’m trying to say, and even then only if they say it’s okay. Respect and consent, always.

2. What is the rudest thing someone can do in your home?

Using the bathroom with the door open, or using the bathroom and then leave the door open afterwards. It’s just gross! Our bathroom door is about two metres away from our lounge door. I do not want smells wafting in when I’m trying to entertain, thanks.

Also, and this has actually happened to me, going through my kitchen cupboards – or any cupboards, generally! If you weren’t invited to dinner and biscuits weren’t provided with the tea then just assume that you aren’t getting fed. I’m not unreasonable, I don’t buy biscuits just to make my cupboards look more full, but I do object to guests rifling through my kitchen to try and find them.

Also also, and again this has happened to me, criticising my home. If you don’t like it, stay away from it – Simple! In fact, that applies to both my home and me!

3. What would you change, if anything, about your experience growing up?

My parents wouldn’t have used tough love. I had a good childhood, one rich with experiences, but it wasn’t normal and so many of the experiences that my peers have had then I don’t have and can’t relate. A classic example, when a Millennial says “who loves orange soda?” then most fellow Millennials would say “Kel loves orange soda!”, but I genuinely didn’t know and so when someone asked me, I felt really awkward. If shows were considered crude or weren’t educational, they were banned in our household – Kenan & Kel, Sister Sister, Powerpuff Girls, Johnny Bravo, Cow & Chicken, Ed, Edd & Eddie, Courage The Cowardly Dog, CatDog, all banned.

I remember being scared through a lot of my childhood and I remember that an angry-sounding “Helen!” was often followed by anything from “why isn’t X done?!” to “nothing’s up, I just wondered how your day was” and I never got to know which I was getting. It used to scare me for a long time, then I developed contempt and resentment for it and my attitude was always “what now?”, because by then I firmly believed that nothing I did was ever good enough for my Mum. I remember being told by social services that I was being psychologically abused at home (there was other stuff as well) and just wanting to laugh out loud. I thought I knew what abuse was because of my violent neighbours, but mental abuse is insidious and it’s only when you realise that you’re constantly watching your back do you realise that something isn’t quite right. I had to learn better for myself and realise that their ways were wrong, and where they were really coming from. I had to develop my own confidence and to learn the right way to solve problems; with patience, honesty and empathy. I had learn how to communicate kindly and with love to people, and to be honest and vulnerable with my words when backhanded compliments were the only language I knew. I love my family, but outside of our little bubble then interacting with people was hard for a long time and I think part of that was because of an ingrained mentality that it was us against the world, we only really needed one another and everyone else hated us and was out to get us. We lived life in the fast lane, and even now that’s left me with an inability to relax and a constant need to do or fix things. I think my father-in-law changed me, he showed me how it was to be loved in a familial way and without the pressure to be anything or to do much, just to show up and be there. I’ve never forgotten how much I used to sleep at Matt’s Dad’s flat, I was mentally exhausted and totally unaware.

I also think I’d have spent much less time on my phone in 2004-2005. I was losing my Grandad to asbestos-related lung cancer at the time and instead of spending time with him, I was wrapped up in my boyfriend from overseas. We never worked out, obviously, and I even based a bunch of my GCSE courseworks on him. So yeah, I’d have made Mr Lover Boy wait while I dealt with the really important stuff first!

4. The absolute worst fight you have ever had with a significant other, what was it about?

We’d talked about what we wanted for our big day, and ten minutes into talks with my Mum he rescinded on everything that we’d agreed. I felt like he threw me under the bus so that he didn’t upset her plans for a low-budget, basic wedding for us and I did end up walking out that time. I’d have been fine if he just wanted to change a few things, but it was like we hadn’t had our chat at all!

Our most stupid argument though? Fresh VS instant mashed potatoes – we’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff since then!

5. What is your favorite place to visit in your city or town? 

My hands are tied on this one, but it has to be Blaise Castle Estate. Everyone goes to “Blaise” for dog walks, meeting old friends or new, family outings, funfairs and festivals and more. There’s a café to get a cup of tea, a piece of cake or some chips, and an adventure playground for the kids and a hige grassy area for spirts and picnics. Our first date was at at Blaise Castle Estate.and we got married in the Mansion House museum, and I’ve been on a fair few other dates in the grounds before then as well. There is a huge woods with a stream running through it and it’s just a great place to get out and go for a walk with so many routes to take, all taking you to different buildings and places. It links up to Kings Weston House as well and it’s heavenly this time of year, with all of the reds and browns coming in on the trees. An old romantic at heart? Who? Me? 😉

Oh, and there’s Lovers Leap as well, which is where starcross’d lovers used to leap to their deaths. Fortunately that’s just a story that the landowner made up!

Bonus: Were you your mom or dad’s favorite kid?

My first love, my rolemodel, my guardian angel – yes, I know I look just like my Dad!

Dad and I are inseperable, even by death, he is still with me. I feel him and see him sometimes, in the most funny moments.

The second photo took my Mum about four attempts because our first reaction was to give one another bunny ears (hence we’re both grinning, because she made us be sensible!). We were like that together, from the second we saw one another to tne minute we said “ta-ta for now”. If there’s one regret I have it’s that I didn’t tell him how much I loved him as often as I could have, but he knew, and I believe he knew.

I am his Harley Quinn, and by that I mean that I was always “mischief and mayhem combined”, but also I developed my love for psychology and DIY because of him. Dad dared me to run a Race For Life dressed as Harley but I said I’d only do it if he was on the sidelines cheering me on and dressed as a bee (because he was a beekeeper for many years) and sadly that never happened. For our last Christmas together I did a Harley Quinn-style take on Mrs Claus, basically because I’m fucking nuts at the best of times anyway but also because, as The Notorious B.I.G. said, “never let them know your next move”. It was a surprise to everyone and a huge hit. Anyway, the really freaky part was that my Dad had bought me a gag gift t-shirt for Christmas. Who was on the front of it? Harley Quinn. Still got it, only worn it once.

My first nickname, Booboos, I got from my Dad. I was a SCBU baby (that’s where we are in the first picture) – I was born with influenza, viral pneumonia and sepsis. The prognosis was grim but I made it, and I believe that I made it in part because my Dad believed in me. My Mum didn’t want to see me and get attached in case I passed away, but when I got stronger my Dad put her in a wheelchair and dragged her to see me. That’s where that nickname comes from, the “BU” of SCBU – Bubus, or Booboos. It’s become adopted since in various other ways – Heleboo, Boos (Dad’s later version of the same name), or Matt calls me Boo sometimes and it’s basically because of that name. There’s another bit to that story too, because when we got Dad’s cancer duagnosis then I printed off a bunch of Multiple Myeloma survivor stories and I wrote in the side margin, in block capital letters, “I BELIEVE IN YOU!!” He believed in me in my time of need, and I wanted to return the favour. Yes I’m a soppy shit when I want to be, deal with it 😉

Not so long ago I found out that Dad chose my name for me. I’ve never liked my name anyway and really it’s because a) it’s so common (I know of at least 7 Helen’s, and that’s not including the famous ones! ) and b) I feel like the “-en” drops, it almost sounds like people are disappointed to see me. For a long time I’ve wanted to change it to Elena, which is more unique and has the upward inflection of the “‘-na”, which sounds more pleasant and engaging. After finding out that my Dad chose my name then I was torn, until I thought about amalgamatic the two and creating Helena. I’m still toying with it though because it doesn’t really feel like “me” in the same way that Elena does, I also think Elena sounds more mature, feminine and sophisticated as I age, whereas Helena sounds quite youthful. Anyway, I’m rambling!

My point is, my Mum’s name also ends with a “-na”, so adding it sort of feels like a credence to both of them and yes, I am low-key jealous of my Mum’s name. I probably will change mine at some point, but what to? That’s the question!

That’s it from me for this TMI Tuesday! Join me next week for the next round. Do you have any questions for me for next week? Don’t forget to leave them in the comments below!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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7 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday, 18th October 2022 – Do Tell

  1. Wow! So much! This feels like it was really therapeutic for you. I was intrigued by your response to 3. So much of it feels like my own experiences and I have similar problems relating to people as an adult. I also have the constant need to be busy. I never realised where it may have come from. Your post has given me many things to ponder. Thank you so much for sharing.

    1. Thankyou! I wouldn’t say therapeutic so much, just honest and transparent as I always aim to be. I’m glad that my story has helped you to think about things though, I do wish you all the very best in your journey to healing.

  2. I loved everything about this post. You gave so much, we learned so much about you but also about human interaction. Great hearing the tales about your Dad and seeing the pic. Thanks Helen (excitement and emphasis on the N 😉 ) for a great TMI post.

    1. As always you are more than welcome, it’s a real pleasure to be part of the TMI gang. I’ll look forward to returning next week, but for now I have a party to prepare for 😉

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