TMI Tuesday: 08th November 2022 – Coupling

A person holds hands with their partner, white text on a black banner reads "TMI Tuesday: 08th November 2022 - Coupling"

What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some personal thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome!

How To Play TMI Tuesday

Copy the below TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Me Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for my answer!

And now, onto the questions…

1. You unexpectedly had sex with your friend’s partner. You feel guilty. Your friend’s partner keeps texting you begging you not to say anything about the two of you having sex. Would you tell your friend or keep mum?

How does one “unexpectedly” have sex with one’s friend’s partner? If said partner made an advance and I said no but they had sex with me anyway, that’s rape. If I said yes, then I’ve got no business being a friend to said friend. My honour is such that I would rather be honest and risk losing a friend than live a lie. I am many things, but a liar is not one of them.

As for the partner? Well, I don’t tell tales, I let the truth come out in the wash. I would lose respect for them if they couldn’t be honest though, conversations are tough sometimes but they’ve still got to be had. Ethical non-monogamy involves tough conversations sometimes, but we just have to decide what we want, pull our big kid socks up and brave it!

2. How often would you like to spend time away from your significant other?

a. once a week

b. once a month

c. never, we like to be together all the time

Oh god, kinda pretty much C. Why wouldn’t you want to spend all of your free time with your best friend? We’re not joined at the hip but Matt and I do go pretty much everywhere together, and by choice. Under our roof though it’s not uncommon for him to be gaming and me to be doing arts & crafts, or something. We’ve always said that being together doesn’t mean touching one another or having a full-on conversation, and sometimes it even means sitting in a comfortable silence. 

3. Do you think couples should argue regularly for a happy relationship or marriage?

Absolutely not, especially if you have kids. I grew up in a home where my parents were always arguing and I’ll say that they “survived” their marriage, but I think they both had blood pressure issues caused by that stress and volatility. When it was good, it was great, but when it was bad, it was terrible. I’ve been happily married for 9.5 years now and the best thing is to talk lovingly, forgive freely and laugh often. Oh, and if you wouldn’t partner with them to work on an important project, they’re not right for you. Mad but true!

4. What causes you to feel insecure in a relationship?

I think if Matt (or another partner) started talking non-stop about about how amazing this other person/new partner was, I might start feeling a bit insecure. I think it’s normal to compare yourself and think “what do they have that I don’t?”, but more specifically and if the gushiness happens too much, “am I still enough?”. It’s why it’s important to be sensitive to existing partners as well in polyamory, I’ve been that old-new favourite before and it does hurt.

Bonus: If you were asked, “Why do you keep meeting the wrong people on dating apps?” what would you respond?

Aye, you put me in a bind here. I’m an empath, so I tend to draw people to me who… need a little bit of extra love. I don’t want to say assholes, because I try to see the good in everyone, but abrasive people perhaps? There.

Also, and I’m sorry to who this offends, but I do seem to attract a lot of neurodiverse people, possibly because I’m so open and accepting. Usually those meetings still go at least okay (if a little awkward from time to time) but there have definitely been some corkers there too. I met a guy once who – quite loudly and over a table in Starbucks – said “I would fuck you over this table right now if there weren’t so many people in here”, then carried on chatting about his passion for General Motors like he’d just given me his Nan’s favourite apple pie recipe. Another guy was so socially awkward that he stalked me from my bus stop to Starbucks because he didn’t know how to say hi. When we eventually caught up over coffee he started talking about the ways to turn kids into bacon, how best to cook them and how they might taste (he also played with his phone the entire time with absolutely zero fucks given). He texted me that night and asked if I wanted to play the rape game and I naturally said “no thanks”, to which he replied “that’s the spirit”. Block and delete. Dude was giving me seriously creepy vibes now.

So like I was saying, sometimes my empathy attracts the wrong type for me and sometimes I have to make horrible decisions to protect myself. I try to heal the world with love anyway because that’s just what I do, and if you knew Mantis in “Guardians Of The Galaxy” then you’ll understand what we empaths are like. We’re limitless, tenacious creatures when the world is hurting, but my stubbornness definitely does get me into all kinds of trouble sometimes and that’s why I too have to be careful. Just ask anyone who’s used to whooping my humble ass when I’ve already gotten myself into a pickle… 

That’s it from me for this TMI Tuesday! Join me next week for the next round. Do you have any questions for me for next week? Don’t forget to leave them in the comments below!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

My digital blog signature. All rights reservef.

Bonus: puppy pic: Something, something, dark side…

Hugo the Jack Russell terrier in a grey towel. The towel is draped over his head like a hood

Bonus Bonus… Bonfire Night Masquerade Photo Shoot

I absolutely adore these images and I’ve had some great comments on them, so I thought I’d share some with some of my favourite people! Which lighting colour is your favourite?

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6 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday: 08th November 2022 – Coupling

  1. I envy your ability to experience silence 🤣

    I can very much relate to the #4 scenario.

    I too seem to attract a certain type of person, these tend to have had a more delicate past, both online and in person. I’m not sure why.

    My niece fits your description, and given her social anxiety, it does cause me to worry about her. I’m hoping she’ll turn out as strong as you seem to be.

    1. Oh it’s often disrupted by a certain pint-sized fur-son of mine, don’t you worry!

      That’s interesting, delicate in what way if you don’t mind me asking? Perhaps people just feel as though they can open up to you? That does seem to happen with me too. We have to be careful to protect ourselves though.

      If you can, have a good chat with her about therapy. Really emphasise that therapy is not about her being weak, but helping her find and learn tools to become stronger as a person. Therapy was honestly a gamechanger for me and I’d recommend it to all and anyone. I think too many people see therapy as “you’re weak, you’re broken, you need help”, but that’s not helpful. Everybody needs help at some point, no matter who they are and what other skills they have. How many of us can get into a car the first time and drive it? Gather up a bunch of ingredients and make a perfect meal or bake a perfect cake and without any previous experience? Needing help and having to learn something doesn’t make you weak, it makes you open and it makes you strong 🙂

      1. 🤣 Understood.

        An alarming amount have opened up to me about being abused in some way, usually at a young age. These are the only ones that have opened up to me, and it’s usually some time after crossing past the friendship line.

        The neice did try therapy, it was not for her. It was the same for her aunt’s, Jean and Jane. I just think that family are averse physically. They always quit as it tends to go bad for them.
        My cousin, on the other hand, can’t live without it, and it’s worked for the friend we lovingly call Stink. So I guess it’s either down to the individual, or maybe the therapist.

      2. I must admit I thought only yesterday about opening up to some of my old school friends who used to think I had extra time off school because I was ‘lucky’, I wonder if. if they knew that my parents really only kept us back as a way to punish the school, whether they would change their mind? I think for too long we’ve only really been focused on the most blatant examples of abuse – throwing a partner (or a child), injuring them or throttling them etc. I think now that more people are beginning to realise that other types also exist and that they had a right to say “that wasn’t okay”, more people are speaking up about it. I think also, by being able to say”this happened to me”, it’s actually very healing for the victims of abuse. They’re accepting that it has happened, and now they can focus on healing from it instead of hiding (or being forced to hide) from it.

        I find it interesting that you mention aversions, because I’ve had this with my mother and father-in-law too. My father-in-law did attend a mental health clinic once (for clinical depression) but then saw the electronic keypad on the side, didn’t believe he’d be able to get back out once he went in and refused to enter. My mother has had counselling but not therapy but it didn’t help her and so she is now of the opinion that it’s all the same and thus it’s all crap.

        For my part, and like your cousin, I can’t imagine my life without CBT. I did, however, take my books and worksheets and go it alone, sans therapist. My therapist wanted to meet my mother to discuss some of my hangups from my past. I refused because I knew that, if I did facilitate such a meeting, my mother would have created a therapist-shaped hole in the wall!

  2. “…sitting in a comfortable silence” Yes, must be able to do this

    The lst Starbucks guy 😀 😀 😀

    Wait what?! A person wants to turn their KIDS aka children into bacon?! 😮 ( I read that sentence 4 times to make sure I read it correctly). Beyond creepy

    Oooh puppy! So adorable.

    Pics of you–I like the purple/magenta one.

    1. Oh yes, it’s a lovely feeling as long as you’re both happy with it.

      Right? I nearly spat my chai tea latte all over him, that would have been a waste of a good drink!

      Oh no, not his, other peoples’. Basically I’d got the bus to go meet him and I had some annoying brats pressing the bell before every stop, now yes it’s annoying, but you kind of think “uh, whatever” and just bail off when you reach your stop. I text him to let him know that I was running a bit late (because we were playing the stop-start game) and not much more was said, then he casually mentioned turning them into bacon while we were sipping coffee. I was like “dude, are you okay?” lol. I’m all up for dark humour but that was way too much and way too soon.

      When he’s asleep! He’s a spoilt puppy as per my latest pic!

      Thankyou, I think it’s my favourite too. It kind of has a “stand and deliver!” vibe haha.

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