I grew up in northern Bristol in the UK. The daughter of two civil servants, I lived a fairly unassuming life full of good grades, weird pets and fun times. I was outdoorsy, and I went fishing and camping almost no sooner than the school broke up for half-term. In fact, it wasn’t unusual for us to be picked up from school with the camping trailer in tow!  

I can remember right from my childhood, I had a fascination with particular types of games. In my very early years I loved to play doctors & nurses and I was always the poorly patient who would “die” if they didn’t get enough attention, then I started playing cops & robbers and I was always the rogue cop who let the bad guys go until she herself was caught and arrested, and I remember getting kidnapped and interrogated in a game of soliders and spies. I loved the latter far too much and I wasn’t sure why, I just knew that I wanted to do it again and again. 

At around twelve years old I discovered masturbation. It wasn’t really something that I’d set out to do but I had an ‘itch’, I rubbed it and it felt good and so I didn’t stop. The first time I came, I thought I was going to die! I was changed from that point on, I was sexually awakened and now I was hungry for more. 

The problem I had was that the fantasies I had didn’t match up to what I’d been taught girls wanted or needed. I didn’t want a cute guy to take me to the cinema and then maybe have sex on his sofa, I’d had sordid fantasies of being tied up and fucked on a canal boat in Bristol city centre docks while the rest of the world went blissfully about their business, totally unaware. I hadn’t thought once about snogging a guy behind the gym and maybe letting him finger me, I was already thinking about gangbangs in the woodlands near my school. I felt ashamed and I thought that there was something wrong with me.

At about fifteen a family member* opened up to me about her interests in BDSM. Her husband defined her as “a pain junkie”, a colloquial term for a masochist. My brother was in on this conversation too and though while he was horrified, I was fascinated. Finally, a lot of my thoughts made sense. 

I was introduced to her Dominant, though I didn’t really have too much to do with him. I understood his connection and I met his girlfriend, another Helen, along with her other partner and their two children. I became close with the family, often going fishing with them. I met Helen once or twice at BDSM parties, too. 

After that, my relative became my mentor in the BDSM community, accompanying me to events and helping me stay safe in times of need. We had rules, like we would never be intimately involved with one another, even so far as not sharing the same Dominant partner. Though we had one try his luck at one time, we stuck to our rules. 

She bought me my first catsuit for Christmas that year.

I grew up being involved with and learning as much as I could about the BDSM community. I still don’t know everything, and that is something that I so love about BDSM. There are as many ways to play as there are people in our community and I love learning from one another, sharing tips and stories, feeling inspired and just feeling like a part of an incredible, warm and accepting community. I have made friends with people here who will probably be friends for life and I found a place where I finally felt like I had a purpose…

Nevermind being the disabled housewife on benefits, I would dedicate myself to helping ensure that the next generation of kinksters stays safe and plays safe, because in the BDSM community, absolutely everybody is welcome! 

*For privacy reasons, I can neither confirm nor deny my exact relationship with this person.   

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