From the very first time that I stepped into SWAMP, I knew that I’d found a safe space in Mistress Anita. Her warm, playful personality, her infectious grin and her cheeky wink, it was hard not to feel welcome. Mistress Anita always made me feel safe and accepted and she went out of her way to make sure that I did. From introductions to the team to assigned mentors in the earlier days, there was nothing that Mistress Anita wouldn’t do.
As a fellow ‘September baby’, I remember fondly how Mistress Anita used to waive or discount my entrance ticket costs any time that the September SWAMP rocked around. I was a favourite of hers already, and I supposed that was because she also knew my parents, the fellow kinksters who had raised me into the scene. In some many ways then, Mistress Anita was like a surrogate aunt to me.
And boy, she made it known.
I remember the year that one young lady accused me of being a media exposé, claiming that she had seen me on TV (true, she had) and that I would expose the local BDSM community. I had made plans to celebrate my birthday with my friends at SWAMP, and the young woman in question fought to prohibit it, by physical force if necessary. Naturally, I was nervous about the night, but I needn’t have worried – Mistress Anita had already kicked the instigator out of the club and barred her from ever returning!
When my my kitchen caught fire in April 2016, I received a message and a friend request from just one person. I didn’t now the name at first, and that was because many people in the BDSM community don’t use their real names, but I definitely recognised her by face – it was Mistress Anita.
Anita wanted to know what she could to to help, could she donate somewhere? Did I need food? Did I have somewhere to sleep? Even when my vanilla friends weren’t there, because of Anita, the Bristol BDSM community was there for me.
Mistress Anita was much more than just a family friend for me, she was an inspiration, an example of the sort of person that I wanted to be within the kink community. Anita was kind, patient and warm, with plenty of time for everybody. She might have identified as a Dominant-leaning person, but Anita was not, in herself, a dominant person, she was protective, loving and caring. I fed off of that, and I wanted to give back what my parents and Anita had given to me. In short, I wanted to become their legacy.
During the Coronavirus pandemic, Mistress Anita confirmed that she had terminal lung cancer and had about a year to live. Even in spite of her gloomy prognosis, Anita continued to live her best life until the end. Anita enjoyed family vacations, she ticked adventures off of her bucket list and dyed her hair every colour of the rainbow. Mistress Anita was not only a rock for those who knew her, Anita is an inspiration.
Despite outliving her prognosis, Anita sadly passed away on 30th March 2022. She will be deeply missed and remembered by everyone who knew her.
Rest in peace, Mistress Anita, and thank you.
Earth has lost a guiding light, but Heaven has gained an angel.
Over the past few months, Mistress Anita has been fundraising for St Peter’s Hospice, who were there to provide comfort and care in the final days of her life. If you would like to make a donation in Anita’s memory, you can do so here: